2012, My Main Reason for Engaging in Sex with women.

Now i am going to layout in this blog why it is, i was so fascinated with having sex with women.
I will start immediately with the realization i have had as for the reason why i was like that, and even why sex had become like a drug to me later on in my life.

I had an interesting realization regarding myself in and when i am participating in having sex with a woman.
I found out that, i was always looking to bring out in the woman, that gentle care that i could see women have for their little babies.

It was only in having sex with them and treating them with a lot of care, as i would hold a baby in my arms during the act of sex, that i could have this experience of seeing and interpreting the women as melting and becoming like this fragile innocent baby that i can carry through the experience of becoming innocent again in the moment of having sex with her, which stimulated me enormously and i could get very horny by just making her go through this whole experience. Without me making her go through this experience meant to me, that i wasn't reaching her most inner feelings and expression of: ''letting go of'' and ''becoming innocent'' or ''her true expressive nature as a woman. ''

I would read and read and watch all kinds of sexual oriented information/depictions to see what else is there i could learn, so that the next time i can try them out and see if they work practically. Sex became like an obsession to me, like the only way to really find out if what the person is telling you she is feeling for you is real or not. But when the person was not getting all warmed up and as wet as possible, because that was the other thing to, she must get very wet, extremely wet, so that i could interpret that as me doing a good job. without all this i will see myself as someone who has failed her and not made her reach that point of the very essence of the feeling of having sex and becoming this innocent expression as child in and as a woman. And this will make me then just have the sex and get it over with, and it will not get me as horny as i would get when i see the woman becoming all melted and extremely wet and unable to hold herself and when there will be nothing left but to give in to becoming this innocence as the expression as a woman i see in all woman when carrying for their little infants. This to me represented the real expression as a woman,as the expression of care itself, and find it very fascinating to bring it out so i can enjoy it with her through her going through the whole experience of that becoming and experiencing herself as what i perceived as the expression of what woman are or should be constantly.

I would amalgamate so to speak with every touch, with every kiss, and look for all the spots/points on her body where i can have a more intense like overload of energy uprising and when that is spotted, i will molt it and play with it, like move it throughout the whole of her body to make sure that she is totally taken away in her own experience of her energetic uprising and little by little bring it all down to that one point, to the cave of wonders....lol  And there it will be transformed into a river that will be recognizable to me as her body being ready to receive thy staff.
Within the receiving of my staff, the sounds will change, from a groaning to a screaming like sounds in high pitch and the breathing will become long and more intense and the body moves into more curling and  the warmth of the body intensified within all this i will stop abruptly, and move up to her lips where i will kiss them intensely, with all the care i have within me, as to hold her, guide her, lay her down so speak on the pillow of innocence,where i see it as her expressing her true nature as woman and within that kiss that starts like very hungry like kiss, it slows down to a long and passionate free flowing kiss, where this calmness surrounds the whole room and the whole atmosphere becomes like this gentle embrace, the heartbeat slows down and every little movement is intense and the whole innocence of a woman arise within her as i enjoy it through her.

So it is the innocence in woman i was seeking to bring out, that became like an obsession to me, that in most of my sexual encounters were being interpreted by the woman as me being a ''perfect love maker''

So when i look at this now, i can see, that that which i was looking for in another is exactly what was missing in me, that is always the case, what you are looking for to experience through another is that which you yourself are not able or willing to give to yourself.


My Self-forgiveness statements.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to look at woman as outside myself as only through sex as the expression of innocence.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the woman using my sexual training talents to bring them into a experience that is being guided by and through me.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the experience of wanting/desiring/needing a woman to go through the ultimate experience of herself as innocence as for me to get my energetic fix through that.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to feel very satisfied when i would make them reach that point of becoming like innocent again in the moment of sex.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to only enjoy sex when the woman is totally and extremely horny, otherwise i will not enjoy the sex at all.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the woman through the touch of my hands, my kisses, and my penis to get her to reach the point where i can have a energetic fix of.

I forgive myself for i haven't accepted and allowed myself to enjoy sex, without the energetic outflow and built up, that i would see as as the only way for me to really get horny and enjoy sex because of being horny.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to totally focus on the woman alone and put myself aside,and just depended on extreme portrayal in order for me to then after that get my fix.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself deliberately to manipulate the woman in order for her to get to that stage through sex.

I forgive myself for i have  accepted and allowed myself feeling better about myself when the woman will tell me that i am a perfect love maker.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to even get horny on the innocence of woman.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to knowingly engage in the act just for the purpose to get the woman to reach that what i wish/want/need/desire of them for me.



Corrective statement.

Whenever i see myself in my future sex encounters going into a state where i am not one and equal with and to the woman i am with i stop, breathe and start again till i am one and equal and two physical beings sharing their physical touch together without any preconceived idea or intention, just two physical being engaging in the act of physical touch as sex, and be totally HERE in that moment as one as equals as life.




thanks,


Larry Manuela


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2012, Why do we insist that Love is the answer to the world problems..??

As one can see, the LOVE delusion has taken major value shift, or should i say system value. It is NOT life value.
It is being promoted and seen and acknowledge as a very important thing, that men can have(this love) so men can be compassionate and caring. In another word the love is dependent on something else before it can be what it is, or be expressive as for what it implies within this world. 

Just because someone went through an experience where one was in love and the feeling was all nice and fluffy, one believes that, that is what the world needs in order for us to understand each other and come to a giving mode of actions towards our fellow human beings and many other beings without any constrains attach to it.

But let us have look at how this feeling of love really plays out in our everyday living on this planet, in this world, in this reality.

You have the kind of love that you encounter in two people feeling for one another where they built a relationship out of, and all this is always connected as some special feeling of love.
You have the kind of love where you have this feeling of love where it is only for your siblings, your mother/father and some other family members that are related to you from your mother and your father side.
You have the kind of love that is only for those special friends you have that agree with you on some points or many points.
You have the kind of love that you feel for some animal you have as pet.
You have the kind of love that you feel for the country you were born in.
You have the kind of love for the people specifically from that country where you were born into alone.
You have the kind of love where you have a special connotation to the language that you speak in the country you are born into.
You have the kind of love for the food that is being prepared in your country, by your people or your parents.
You have the kind of love where you are looking at the nature of your country and has a special feeling about it, that makes you believe/think that it is yours.
You have the kind of love for some genre of music you like and will give a lot of arguments about that specific music you have that you will term special again, because of the feeling you have to/towards that particular music.
You have the kind of love that is for the work of arts in this world and it will be so special to you that you will only deal with the people who can agree with you on how special this art is.
You have the kind of love for specific genre of movies that you have special feelings to/towards them and one more time find people who agree with you so you can all have this special feeling of love for the whole movie genre.
You have the kind of love where you see yourself as being so important then everybody else, because you have some higher degrees in some education and therefore it puts you in a position of value so you can feel all this special feeling of being special and loving this idea so much.
You have the kind of love where you have a special feeling to/towards your job, because it makes you feel so good when you are doing it and especially when you get paid.
You have the kind of love for going out and having a good time.
You have the kind of love for going on vacation and having a good feeling by traveling all over the place.
You have the kind of love where you help those people in need and it makes you feel so special because you believe that you are doing something about their situation, and it will give you a good position in heaven when you die.
You have the kind of love for your religion where you will defend it with all your might, that your religion is the best religion ever, even when you can see that your religion never brought about a world that is best for all, and not even made you realize that you have to change you and live the change, so the world can become a world that is best for all through all participants.
You have the kind of love that makes you feel so special about a specific sport.
You have the kind of love that is so special for some famous people that you don't even know at all who they really are, but just because you also dream of having a life like that you admire them and secretly be jealous of them. Now if you have a look at all this and you study within  yourself, you will see that the moment the love start to move away from those whom are close to you it starts to diminish in it's potency, it start to become less and has not that much impact on you and you will only say or do something about it, if it threatens your immediate love mates, your family members for instance. So this means that in your love there is a lot of fear to brewing beneath the surface, which should not be so, because love should be love one thing and not two thing in one thing, it cannot have a little bit of fear and a little bit of love, it should be full love, one thing.!!  No division at all..!!

Now i can continue with a lot of those kinds of love that people seem to have for whatever they do or believe. And this love is always special according to them, without realizing/seeing/understanding that this specialness implies in itself separation.This love is not ONE expression as one and equal as life,to the same understanding and same living conditions and respect to/for life as it should be. It is just a feeling a wonderful feeling that everybody is so mesmerized  with/by/through within their own minds. The reality however is that there is nothing special at all about it, because all the rest is saying that they also have this special feeling to/towards someone or something, and it should not even be something that involves specialness. The moment one does that, one has judged within oneself and find that someone or something has more value then another and so deserves to be special, in another word, someone or something has more valuable reason to deserve your feeling of love according to your estimates, because these are not certainties. Many of us have already gone through all kinds of levels of love where the love we felt was not constant and consistent and in circumstances where it was related to relationships in some form or another towards how our feeling of love have failed us dramatically, that should have risen a red flag immediately, but we are so brainwashed and consumed within this feeling of love, that we disregard any and all moments when we know for sure, that the feeling is not to be trusted, because it is based on a believe that one has,that the person one is with will also have the same feeling you are busy experiencing inside yourself, but you just never know for sure even though they may say it to you or even act in a way that looks like they may mean what they say. Because you had already experienced in your life or seen it in people around you how that could be manipulated and how you could fall for what appear to be real as what the person is telling you is true or not and if they truly mean what they say or if their action is a justifiable action or just another action to maintain your believe in them, that they are loving you, so they can continue sucking the energy out of you in whatever form it will turn out to be. To put it in one word it is just to fulfill  their ''selfish purposes.''

In your wants/needs/desires you can notice that you are always projecting them to/towards another. Meaning another must bring you to a point where you can have those feelings within you being experienced, so you become a slave to an outside source in the form of a person or a thing. When all the while the only one who is able to generate and go through the feeling of love is no-one but you yourself alone. It is you who is accepting and allowing the other to be like a catalyst in order for you to ignite within you your own feeling of love. So if you are the one generating the feeling within you, why is it that you are in need of an outside source..?? What is this craving for another for you to ignite the feeling you will experience of love within you alone. You are the one going through that feeling that you yourself generated using your mind. And understand you were perfectly alive before you generated that feeling, you didn't need it at all, maybe there was a wish in you for you to get to it, but it wasn't existent within you till you saw in that one particular person or thing that matched your preferences that you have accumulated throughout your life experience in this world and that you have stored as memory in your mind. So because the feeling of love was none existent within you before it manifested itself through yourself when you saw within the world outside of you someone or something that resembles that which you desire/wish/need/want, makes it an illusion of grandeur.


So bringing it to my heading, love is NOT and will never be a solution to the world problems, because it is a fleeting illusion that is not one and equal in all those who are feeling the love drug, it will remain a judgement for them on who and what they will love or love the most and so others will not be taking part in their love for lots of reasons,but mostly for those wonderful reasons that they will term: '' bad/wrong/negative.'' these are the reasons where love will be absent.



Thanks,


Larry Manuela


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2012, Are We Getting Hornier..??

As a matter of fact when i look into this world and particularly in my own life i can see that this ''being horny'' is making more ground,meaning; 'it is becoming more and more visible within the youth and also within the adults in this world. When it comes to the youths nowadays they seem to be more open to engage into acceptances of this manifested form  of wanting/wishing/desiring sex.

In spirituality being horny is thought of  as being hungry for love.

So in spirituality it is all about the energy generation that one goes through when having sex, which is being named in this world with a positive connotation called: ''love''
When looked at it in this world in general it's  all about how two people can make one and another reach a point of orgasm, which will mean the release of the energy accumulation and compounded, created within and by the body itself, manipulated by and through the mind in order for the mind to have it's dose of energy to continue it's existence as a mind consciousness system within  the physical human body. It is your mind as the system within you that is requiring energy to exist not your body. When you are eating e.g. it is not really nourishing your body, but is more nourishing the system placements within your human physical body.

So when we are horny what we really want is, to lessen this energy built up within us to make it reach a point where it becomes to much and has to be released and this we call then: ''orgasm''

What we are not noticing and paying attention to is; Where is this energy going to..??
Because it is not going back to the body, if it was so, we would not be calling it a release, it would be an energy expansion, an energy that is being spread throughout the entire body, not for it to just climb all the way to your head and for you to scream: '' oh my god....!!!''   You see that...?? There you go,screaming the energy built up as it reaches and give to the god of your being which is your mind at the moment the necessary boost for it to continue deluding you with the wonderful thoughts/feelings/emotions you are so used to and that you have come to defined as the: '' who i am''

So as we can see people are having tons of sex in this world right now, they are even having solo-sex, which means masturbation, once again to please the mind and serve it with some more energy to keep those pictures coming, like drug addicts, that is what we are when it comes to sex, we are just addicted to it in the way it is being done and for the purpose it is being used for. And no-one is really looking into it, and seeing/realizing that there is something very wrong within all this,just because it  ''feels'' good. Everything related and connected to ''feeling good'' is accepted and allowed in this world without any question. Everyone is even aspiring and desiring to go through the experience of this ''feeling good.''When ''feeling good'' walks hand in hand with ''feeling bad'' they are twins, that don't look alike...lol

So when are we going to share with our own bodies this energy that it creates for us...??  Or are we going to continue mining it till the last drop and becoming less and less of the body each passing day, the part of us that is really real...??

In order for us to reach this kind of energy sharing back to the creator which is our bodies, we have to do a lot of self-forgiveness on the load of pictures and images and words in the mind related to sex, and stay and be one and equal to/as the breath as you, and within this application support and assist the body to spread it's own energy creation so all parts in and as the body experience at the same time their own creation as themselves one and equal, and so you to, experience this real oneness and equality as the sharing of the energy creation of your own human physical body, as one as equal as yourself as your own body.


What i am noticing within my own direct environment/reality over here is that i can see that a lot of people especially young woman/girls are getting pregnant and are having lots of kids. The mind as ourselves is playing a big role in all this using our horny addiction to have more sex and  make the physical produce more humans, so it can continue mining for more energy from the physical for it's existence as a mind consciousness system.



Thanks,



Larry Manuela




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