desteni video bar

Loading...

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

de-constructing the dream of yesterday.

 The first part of the dream is where i was driving somewhere, in the mountains and it is someone else driving but me experiencing the driving as me driving, the scene looking cold and then the raining taking place.

i am going to put the symbols in this particular section to see what i have as patterns within this dream:

** mountains with snow tops.
** someone else driving.
** someone else driving is me.
** cold look to the scene.
** raining.

then the second part of the dream, where the dream changes and i am suddenly in a bay, and where there was a great bridge in the middle of this bay, that seem to have no beginning nor end visible, where i assume it must be connected to some land somewhere. Me being all over this bay as in a hovering position, seeing all in different positions, and being able to be everywhere at will.

symbols in this particular section of the dream:

** a bay
** bridge in the middle of this bay.
** bridge not having a beginning nor end visible
** my assumption that it must be connected to some land somewhere.
** me being all over the place in a hovering position, seeing in all different positions, and being able to be             everywhere at will.


then the third part of the dream, where i am in communication with a bear that could talk and that wanted to fish using a fishing line, but don't know how and a shark taking the line in its mouth and playing with it. the shark being very big, taking the whole center of the bay as swimming in the bay. Me feeling a sense of fear when yet i could see within the facial expression of the shark that he was playing with the bear. And then me telling the bear that he ''got a shark on the line man''

Symbols within this section of the dream:

**  communication with a bear that can talk.
**  bear wanting to fishing line, but do not know how to.
**  shark ( great white shark) playing with line in mouth.
**  shark very big, so big that its body takes the center of the whole bay.
**  me feeling a sense of fear when yet knowing that the shark is playing with the bear,as i could see this in the facial expression of the shark.
**  me telling bear that he got a shark on the line man..!!

then there is the fourth part of the dream:

in this section of the dream i found myself at the beach with the bear and i young boy, where i experienced myself as the boy, but yet not being the boy, and being still in a hovering position, like looking at everything from above.

Symbols within this fourth part of the dream:

**  at the beach with bear and a young boy.
**  experiencing myself as myself and yet also as the boy, but yet not being the boy and also being in a hovering position, looking as if from an above point of view.


Then the fifth part of the dream, where i found myself looking at a stranger driving in a car and looked like a scene of an commercial, and was about people who were talking about their experiences of being in a foreign country and renting a car and drive off in exploring the place. And me feeling the strangeness of being in the car as well as out of it but yet feeling the warmth of being in the car when i am outside the car, when i didn't left the man in the car, but yet could be all over the car; in front of it, above it, and in the back of it and could also go and see what was lying ahead on the road, but yet being still with this man in this commercial like scene. When the man talked to himself, i could hear him through/within me, like me talking to myself, yet i was not that man, it all felt strange to me. Everything was personal, very personal, all the scenarios in the dream. Me feeling like i am all that the dream was, but yet i am not. Me being aware of me being the observer in the dream, but couldn't get it, what the observer really is. Felt things as if i had a human physical body, but yet know that i have no human physical body at all as the observer. can be all over the place and at will. And everything happening in a semi-darkness look, like the sun is going to come up and it is a little foggy yet, not clear.

Symbols within this section of the dream:

**  looking at stranger driving in a car.
**  had a feeling of being in a commercial.
**  and the scene was about people taking about renting car in foreign country and driving of in exploration of the place.
**  feeling of being in the car and outside, in front of it and above it and in the back of it, all at the same time and also could see what could be lying ahead on the road.
** me experiencing when the man talked as if man is talking through/within me, like talking to myself, but yet knowing that i am not that man.
**  everything being very personal.
**  me feeling that all the dream is me, but yet i am not.
** aware of me being the observer, but couldn't be clear on what the observer really is.
** feeling things like as if having a human physical body, but yet not having a body at all.
** all the scenes being at night but not really like the darkness of the night but more like just before the sun starts to come up, but yet having still a semi-darkness look to it, like being a little foggy.


Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to dream.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my mind as me dreaming.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have pictures in my mind during my dreams.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to letting dreams manifest within me as me as of my mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to loose myself within ,my dreams that are of ,mind consciousness system.


Self-forgiveness statements on the symbols in the dream:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a picture scene within my dream, where i am someone else driving, and yet this someone else is me and being somewhere where there are mountains with snow tops, and where the scene looked like it is cold but yet it is not cold and where in the scene it started to rain.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself a picture in my mind as that of a dream where i could see mountain tops with snow on them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a feeling within my dream as me as someone else who is me, that is driving.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to have a scene/picture within my mind as a dream where it appears to be cold but yet not being cold and where it started to rain.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within a picture within my dream as a bay.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture of a bridge in the middle of this bay to be within me as me as the dream.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the picture of the bridge having no beginning nor an end to exist within me as me as within and as the dream.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an assumption within me as me within the dream as me where i assume that there must be a land somewhere where this bridge is connected to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as in a hovering position as being able to be wherever i want by just willing myself to do so to exist within me as me with the dream as me, as my mind consciousness system.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have communication within my dream with a bear that could talk to exist within me as me, as my mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to have a picture of a bear within my dream as me to  wanting to fish with a fishing line, but not knowing how to do that, to exist  within me as me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture of a shark playing with the line in its mouth within my dream to exist within me as me, as my mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to see within my dream that the shark is as big as the center of the bay to exist within me as me, as my mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fear to exist within me as me as within this dream when i could see within the facial expression of the shark that it was playing with the bear, to exist within me as me, as my mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell the bear in my dream that it got a shark on the line man to exist within me as me, as my mind consciousness system.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself be in the company of the bear and the young boy at the beach to exist within me as me as part of the dream i dream.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself experience myself as the boy, but yet not being the boy but hovering all over the place as in a above view, to exist within  me as me as my mind consciousness system.

To be continued.......................






Larry Manuela.

Monday, 28 March 2011

A dream of today

I came home from work and was a little bit tired and decided that i wanted to go to sleep for a while.

Then i started to dream, i dreamed first scene was i was in a car driving somewhere, and i am saying driving here, but it is more like someone is driving and i am all over the place, but yet i am driving in the mountains,and it looked cold, but didn't felt cold. Then it started to rain.

And the scene change, suddenly i was like in a bay. And there was a great bridge in the middle of the bay but the odd thing about the bridge is one could not see the beginning nor the end of the bridge, one just assume that is must be connected to some land somewhere.
I can remember being all over this bay, and when i say ''all over'' i mean like in a hovering position, like i can see all things in different positions and can be everywhere at will.
There was a bear that could talk and had a fishing line and was trying to fish but didn't know how. And i could see as he was playing with this line, a shark approaching, the great white shark. And it was a huge one, i mean really big. when looked from above, the position i was looking at all this, the body of that shark took the whole center of the bay, and the bay was big. And the shark just took the line in its mouth but on its face i could see and sense somehow, that it was somehow playing with this bear, but yet i felt afraid and the shark came out with halve its body on the water and i told the bear; 'look you got a shark on the line man..!!'
Then i found myself on the beach with the bear and there was a young boy next to him and i can sense me being the young boy, but yet i am still in the hovering position. It's strange.

Then the dream changed again and i found myself looking at a stranger in a car driving and it felt like i was in a commercial, and it was about people who were talking about their experience of  being in a foreign country and renting a car and just drive off and explore the place. But it felt strange because i could be in the car as well as out of the car and yet feel the warmth of being in the car when i am out the car, like i didn't left the man in the car but yet i am out, i could be wherever i wanted to be....in front of the car and in the back and above it, all while it is moving, i could go and see ahead what was lying ahead on the road, but yet i am with this man in this commercial like scene. And when the man talked to himself i could hear what he was saying within me, it is like me talking to myself, but yet i was not that man,it felt strange. everything was very personal, all the scenes in the dream..........how should i put it....??   i felt like i am all that the dream was, but yet i am not. And i was also aware of me being the observer in the dream, but couldn't get it, what the observer is, you feel things like you feel with your human body, but yet i just know that i have no body, i am just all over the place and can be everywhere all over the place at will.

And everything happened like at night,but yet the night was not really dark as usual, as one would consider a night moment to be, it was like foggy. Like it is on the brink of morning, the morning sunlight is coming but not yet, and there is this semi-darkness look to it.

So what does this dream tell me..??
In this dream i had the realization of the dream, or that dreams are me, this is clear to me now, this is exactly how it felt, that the dreams i dream are me, not that i am having dreams, but the whole dream is me, but yet there is this sense of me not being the dream, but this sense of me not being the dream is not clear, it is foggy......lol



thanks



Larry Manuela

Saturday, 26 March 2011

A strange day....

today i woke up early in the morning and took a shower and had a meeting with a girl i met like longer then a year ago on the internet, but we never really actually, physically met. so today was the day that we met.

all went well, she is exactly as she looks on the cam and she is very nice to. Just beautiful.

The day starting getting stranger when i was leaving. She gave me a ride on her scooter and drop me at the station. First thing was, i forgot on that moment that i did not check in with my travel-card, something new they have over here. then i had to run out of the train before it leaves and checked in eventually,but when i was sitting in the train i thought about what was written on the display when i checked in.
It showed me how much money i still had on my card. And i thought to myself; but it only shows you that when you have checked out, not when you are checking in........when you are checking in,there appears on the display:'' have a nice trip.''
Then i started to think what happened and i remember then, that i didn't check out when i reached the station at my arrival in her town where she lives, i totally forgot.

And then on the train when i was thinking that,and thinking if the conductors are going to believe me, when i tell them that i forgot to check out at first and that, that would be the reason my card is now displaying nothing, like i didn't checked in.....??

At that moment i heard like the train ran over something that sounded very much like a bicycle and after a few 400 to 500 meters the train stopped in the middle of nowhere. And the train conductor then said; that the train seemed to have ran over something, and that they don't know what exactly, but they are going to walk back to see what it was, and we should stay in our seats till they come back. Now that waiting took like an hour and a halve. then after that they came back and they said: '' there was an accident, the train just ran over a man on a bicycle.''

After that we had to move all the way in the back of the train because from there when the bus they called arrive we will get out and walk back to get in the bus. So there we waited at least another 30 minutes, and as we were there waiting i was looking at some of the people reactions, and most thought it was terrible, but there was a few young  guys in the train that were very loud and were making jokes and i was thinking to myself, look at them, having no respect at all. I wonder if it was there brother or sister or someone they love, would they be so happy and making jokes about the whole thing....??  I guess not.

Anyways we got on the bus, and the bus took us to another train station and from there we could continue with our trip to where we all needed to go.

Now when i reached here at the train station and as i was stepping  off the train i saw a young guy rolling on the train platform and there were policemen surrounding him, to me it looked like someone maybe have stepped him with a knife or something like that. And when i was getting downstairs i saw the paramedics going upstairs to treat him.

So all and all it was a strange day today for me, a lot of experiences in one day, what i usually don't get everyday.

We were told by a young girl in the train that this already the 7 th time that someone around that area have decided to end their lives like that in just 3 weeks time.

Within an equal money system people won't be so stressful top even think that they can't take it anymore so now they are just going to end their lives, these things won't happen, in an equal money system.


Thanks.




Larry Manuela

Thursday, 24 March 2011

back-chat diaries 2

Today before i went to work i had a aloud back-chat where i was imagining myself talking in front of an audience and the talk was about the money system and how we accept and allow it to be as it is and abuse ourselves and others in participating in all the mess.


I was saying: ''how can it be dear people that we have come so  far as to in-slave ourselves to a system where we have come to only survive and made laws, rules and regulations within these parameters to serve only a select few, so they can have the best and the rest, which is the majority can continue fueling their system of abuse.''


we can only change this when we stop and create anew, but create anew means really create anew.......nothing of the old should exist anymore.

I was talking to a colleague of mine today at work and i asked him if he is not tired of how things are in this world and also, that i am fucking bored, because everything is the same always.
I asked him are we really just here to learn something at school just in order to survive better later when we are grownups and after done labor for a long time, we go with pension and finally we just DIE. And people are so blind and stupid that they even say something stupid like: ''that is why one should enjoy one's life, because, you never know when your day is going to come..?''

Only stupid, careless and uninformed and ignorant people say these kind of things, people who do not know WTF is going on in this world and even when they do know they don't give a damn about it. They will do anything to make their little life as enjoyable as possible, but on the expense of billions that suffer everyday.


Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagining myself talking in front of an audience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say: '' how can it be dear people, that we have come so far as to in-slave ourselves to a system where we have come to only survive and made laws, rules and regulations within these parameters to only serve a select few, so they can have the best and the rest which is the majority can continue fueling their system of abuse.''
I forgive myself  for accepting and allowing myself to feel boredom towards what i see in this world as being the same things over and over, again and again.




O.k. Thanks.




Larry Manuela.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Another day at work.

Today at work we were doing our ordinary work as usual and one of our colleague came to us where we were working and he was talking to a lady that is Muslim and he wanted to touch her, but she said: ''no, it is Haraam''

This means it is forbidden.

the one's who are Muslim and deeply brainwashed as one everything that have to do with sexuality they call Haraam, if they open a book and there are woman or man in not much clothing, it is Haraam.

Before i went to work today i encounter a man in town and i use to see him now and then and he usually would ask me for money, because he is a drug addict.
And every time he sees me he has the same lie for me all the time, that he need some change to pay for the place to sleep at night, and he also add; that he slept on the streets for 2 days already.

He asked me for money again today and i told him that i don't have change, and he kept on insisting so i went and buy him a bread so he can eat and gave him 3 Euro and something more, because he told me he needed 2 Euro and 50 cents more in order for him to make pay for his bed for the night.

And when i bought him the bread and gave him the loose change he wanted more and i told him no, he can't have more because i need to buy some things myself and this is all the money i got on me right now.
He promised me that if he sees me another time he would not ask me for money again. Next time i am going to really say no to him, because he will never learn and stop abusing himself with drugs.



Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have given the drug addict money, when i already know that i should not do that, because by doing that i am supporting him in his addiction instead of helping him to stop.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let him lie to me, and without telling him to stop.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for him, instead of not having any feelings whatsoever and act in what is best for all.




Thanks








Larry Manuela.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

another day at work.

Today i had to start working on another department within the company and as i was approaching the work floor,the lady that is in charge was talking to one of the supervisors that is in charge of the shift i am working in and she was talking to him and it looked like they were having some trouble, because the bags apparently were all bad and they are going to have to make some new one's.

And i was there standing like a few meters away from them and i heard her saying to the supervisor: ''and that..??'' And she nodded in my direction, she was talking about where she is going to put me to work but refer to me as ''that''.

the moment she said that,m the supervisor looked at me with a expression of shame in his face, but me at this moment wanted to just walked up to her and ask her why she refer to as ''that''......what does she mean by that. But it all happened to fast and they were a little to far away from me i order for me to walk up to her and ask her in front of everyone why she  refer to me as ''that''...??

I already know why, because just because they have a little saying in their jobs, and they can influence it in some way or another that someone like me can be sent home fast, they abuse and treat and talk to you sometimes like you are less then them.

Here i considered myself that i have failed,m because i should have walked up to her no-matter what, even if it was to late to react, but i still should have walked to her and say what i needed to say or ask what i needed to ask. But at least now i know based on this one incident who she is, that she is not really the person who appears to be, someone who is saying; hallo to people and sometimes helping people. Now i know all of that is just for the EGO, to feel important.

I sometimes ask myself are they not blind to see that if something should happen to the company that everyone that works there is going to go home...??  It won't matter if one is the toilet cleaner or the manager.

I did got a little angry for a second, but then i remember to just breathe. And as soon as i  focused on  my breathing it was all gone.


Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let others as me to talk or refer to me as ''that'' as if i am nothing or i am as less valuable then they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself not standing up to her, because of me then going to have to watch my back in relation to my work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even fear getting out of work/having no job again.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself be abused in that matter, just because of what might, maybe could happened.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider that i have failed because i did not stand up for what was an abusive situation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge her and thinking that she is just being egoistic and wanted to present a face of someone who is important.








Thanks.










Larry Manuela

Monday, 21 March 2011

just sadness.

Today when at work i looked at the people there and noticed that i felt sadness ricing within me, just because i can see that they are just doing all they can to  survive and as long as their survival is taking care of, nothing is going on, everybody seem happy and content.

All this because they have their steady jobs, and most of them don't even like the job, they are doing it because it is a must..!!!

The sadness i experienced within me was due to the fact that i can see that they are oblivion to what is going on in this world and how one can see that they don't even care, just going about doing what they need to do and that is it, as long as they are so-called save and nothing horrific is going on in their lives or nothing dramatic is going on in their life, all seem fine.

Within all this i also felt tired and bored.
Why...??   because i have reached a certain understanding/realization now and it is growing that we are just doing the same things over and over and over again, even though some parts of it changes but it is just the same game and is just boring.

First we are born.......then we are thought a language and culture..........................then we go to school..............then to higher education.......teenage years...having some sex..............then to work/or having own business,the same thing........it is still working.....get married or live together............in between all that there are the parties and entertainments......and then we grow old ..................go with pension and finally we die.........................this is the main thing we do.

and in between all that you have all the good/bad......right/wrong.................negative/positive... taking place...that keep us lurking and searching for a higher purpose and within  that we are neglecting totally this existence, this reality. And we never do anything to change the programming just mentioned above, it is always the same main scenario.

And this is what i see and i find it boring. Nothing new, even though some will say we are evolving. Even the technology that is evolving is only evolving in the direction of keeping making more profit for those that are in power, never to really change or make our experience and expression the best we ever had or could have.

In order for all this to change we, each one of us need to change ourselves within and without and live that which is best for all as proof to all, that it is possible, and we can do it. I mean we created this mess, so then we can create a solution to.


Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to feel sadness, judging it in the expressions and behaviors i see in others as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tired and bored, because of what i see in this world as belonging/pertaining to human behavior.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect tiredness and boredom to the justification of what i see in this world in others as me.






Thanks.




Larry Manuela

Sunday, 20 March 2011

back-chat diaries

Today my back-chat was about me being angry, and was imagining myself being on a radio talk program and reacting and responding in this imagination, to a pastor who was reacting to what i was saying about oneness and equality. And all this is in relation to the video Bernard made: ''the proof that faith failed everywhere.''


What i was saying to this pastor is the following:


O.k. pastor let me bring this down to you easy:


There are enough Christians in this world to proof to all here that Christianity didn't, doesn't and won't work.


There are enough Muslims in this world to proof to all that Islam didn't, doesn't, and won't work.


There are enough Hindu's in this world to proof to all that Hinduism didn't,doesn't and won't work.


There are enough Buddhists in this world to proof to all that Buddhism didn't, doesn't and won't work.


there are enough:
Babism
Bahá'i 
Gnosticism
Judiasm
Rastafari movement 
Mandaeans and Sabianism
Samaritanism
Unitarian Universalism
Ayyavazhism
Bhaktism
Din-i-llahism
Jainism
Sikhism
Confucianism
Shitoism
Taoism
African Diasporic Religions\
Polytheism
New Age
Esotericism
Neogaanism
Mysticism
Occult
Magical
Left hand Path
Creativity Movement
Shinshukyo Movement
Fictional Religions
Parody and Mock Religions
Politics
Atheism
And so on and on and on..................


All the groups  that have sub-divisions within and of the main one group.
So all in all, all of them are proof to all that none didn't, doesn't and won't work.


And who are the once believing/having faith in all this stuff....???


Is it not the human being...??


I don't see any animal, plant, or any physically manifested life expression believing/have faith and creating all this stuff.




Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even have a back-chat where i experience a emotion that is of anger towards a imagination that is not even real.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this imagination to the video that Bernard did, called: ''the proof the faith failed everywhere.''


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorize some of all those faith movements on this planet to proof a point.




thanks.






Bye bye






Larry Manuela





Saturday, 19 March 2011

A dream last night

               A dream last night.
Last night I dreamt about me being on my island and the dream started with me trying to surprise a girlfriend of mine that I haven’t seen in a long time and I in this dream was like following her when she was jogging near the beach. I could remember me looking at her legs and her feet, she was jogging barefoot. And as I was looking at all this, I was thinking: ‘’ hmm at least her legs didn’t go through some changes.’’

Then suddenly I found myself in another phase of the dream and I was walking into an secluded part of the island on the South side of the island and here there was allot of people living together but they all were like deformed in some way or another and had also some had lepra, but it didn’t matter to me I was just there to show them that I don’t care how they looked and that I accept them as how they look and who they are. There were all kinds of people there children and grownups.
As I was walking in their midst all of them kind of like took a deep breath and just looked at me very quietly and had an amazed looked on their faces. I was giving them a handshake and was caressing the faces of the children and was going near the beach where a lot of them was just there swimming, and all of them gathered around me and some of them asked me: ‘’are you not afraid to be here, in our midst, because you are like the others from the other side who are very afraid of us and they never come here and we don’t go there either.’’

I said to them: ‘’ I am here in the midst of you guys and be with you guys to show the others on the other side that they don’t have to be afraid of you guys, because I will be the proof and they will see that nothing happened to me.’’

Than my dream changed again and I encounter myself talking to some friends of mine and the place looked very much desert like. It looked like the earth went through a major catastrophe and we were the only survival and some more other people but that were still living in hiding.
And I was telling them that I wanted to go to America, and some of the men who were there told me; ‘there is no more America left, but I could see within me America is still here and that there are survivals and allot of them.

So I decided with a friend of mine to go there and when we reached there, we were like walking on this very large grit like structure platform that had allot of grit tiles that lit when one step on them, and all was looking very advanced and futuristic, and clean. The people looked all very clean and had beautiful clothes on and I could see that most of them were woman, they all looked very attractive.
Then i and the friend of mine decided to go downstairs a very deep descending stair with one stair case on the right who was a rolling-stair and on the left a normal stair case.
When we reached downstairs suddenly we encounter a division where the people who looked clean and very nice, were going through a door that reached outside into the daylight. And on the left side there was a very long corridor where one could not see where it was leading because of it being very dark and only the dirty people and deformed people were going through there. I said to my friend;’ let’s go into the dark and investigate what is going on and why exist this separation here.’
And as we were walking in this corridor we were followed by a little person who was avoiding the light of our flashlights to fall on him, and he was asking us, why it is we are going into the dark..??
It seemed like he didn’t want us to go there where they are living, he didn’t want us to continue descending more and more into the darkness, where more of them were living in separation with the clean, futuristic looking peoples. Because of us being a stranger to them, he started getting mean and started using vile language and wanted to hurt us. Then suddenly they became like an army of people who wanted to hurt us, so me and my friend started to run for it, but my friend because of him being fat could not keep up with me and was staying behind and eventually was kept by them, I was running as fast as I could, I was not looking behind at all. So I ran through the dark corridor and reached the area where you had the division which was at the end of the stairs and here I took the stairs that was on my left, which was the normal stairs going up, because on this step was less people on it, I could then run much faster up. I could sense them being just behind me following me. 

When I reached the top I jumped on the wall on the top where the stairs were descending and was separated and from there I jumped on some structures that looked like giant shampoo bottles/containers. From here I jumped on the grit tiles and as I was in the air I noticed one of the tiles turning into a blue light and attracted me and so in the air I decided that I needed to land on that tile and just by focusing on that particular tile I landed on it. When I landed on it I found myself in a kneeling position and I had some apparatus in my right hand and I started rocking back and forth and started crying because I felt it was my fault that my friend is now gone. I just stayed there on my knees and rocked back and forth and cried. And the futuristic, clean and advanced people, were just gathering around me and was looking at me, but they looked at me and had the expression in their faces as if I was performing an act. They didn’t show any emotional expression whatsoever.

In this dream it seemed as me and my friend and the group of people that I belonged to was like travellers, but travellers through time.


Larry Manuela

Thursday, 17 March 2011

back-chat tracings

Today i almost was late at my work. I got up early and all, but instead of stepping out of bed and go and take a shower i continue taking a little more nap.

Suddenly i just jump up and look at the time on my phone and noticed that i had only 30 minutes left to reach work.
Now as i was on my way at work on my bike i started talking to myself as if i am talking to someone else and i was saying to myself: '' just keep on cycling you will get on time, don't worry.''
And the voice continue: '' don't pull your phone and look at the time because otherwise you're going to affect your time to reach work on time''
and when i got at work and stood before the punching machine i saw it read: 06:02, this meant that i was 2 minutes late, and the voice in my mind said: '' not bad, at least you are not 15 minutes or more late, this is acceptable, now lets change your clothing and get started before they start missing you.''

Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and perceive time to be of influence in my existence in my reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in fear of not reaching work on time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talking to myself as if there is another self inside me in separation of me as me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought: '' just keep on cycling you will get on time, don't worry'' to exist within me as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought: '' just keep on cycling and you will get on time, don't worry'' to an emotion of fear in order to not be on time at work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear to exist within me as me as an emotional experience within me as me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought: '' don't pull your phone and look at the time because otherwise you're going to affect your time to reach work on time'' to be part of me as me.
I forgive myself  for accepting and allowing myself to let the the thought:  ''don't pull your phone and look at the time because otherwise you're going to affect your time to reach work on time'' to instill fear in me for maybe not getting at work on time.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought: '' not bad, at least you are not 15 minutes or more late, this is acceptable, now lets change your clothing and get started before they start missing you.'' to exist within me as me.
I forgive myself  for accepting and allowing myself  to connect the thought:  '' not bad, at least you are not 15 minutes or more late, this is acceptable, now lets change your clothing and get started before they start missing you.'' to a feeling of  relief because i was not that late after all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even letting the thought: '' not bad, at least you are not 15 minutes or more late, this is acceptable, now lets change your clothing and get started before they start missing you.'' to bring forth a feeling within  me as me.




o.k. that's it.




Thanks




Larry Manuela


Tuesday, 15 March 2011

at work.

today at work i noticed people at work being very aggressive towards each other.
I was doing my work today as usual, the only different was that i was in another group today.
As i was there in this group doing the work that needs to be done, the chef came to the group of people there and told them about a mistake they have done the day before.
And she was very scared, as if something terrible is going to happen, because of this mistake, but it is just she being afraid of things going wrong on her watch, fearing being warned and stuff like that, and the ultimate fear on at work is; loosing the job itself.

So when she was talking to the other workers, they all were in fear. And i was asking myself as i was looking at them, why are they so fearful and so nasty against each other..?? I do know the reason though, it is all about the fear of loosing money, loosing the thing we use to survive in this world. People will do a lot of nasty thing to each other as long they don't get to loose their jobs.

I notice the separation to within groups at work, every department is against each other or are believing themselves to be better or, that their department is the most valuable, when in essence, they all are working for the same boss under one roof. So if something happens to the company, they all are going to go home, don't matter how valuable they think they are, or more important to the company, because as we already know the company is interesting in one thing and one thing only, and that is ''profit''

All this will end in an equal money system, this stupidity in making people treat each other like that; being aggressive and companies that are only interesting in making more and more profit no matter what.


Bye bye....


Larry Manuela

Monday, 14 March 2011

a realization

Today at work i realized something very interesting.
I noticed that when i was in the elevator at work and i saw my self in the mirror, it was at this moment that i realized that how i looked with my head shaved didn't manner to me as it usually was. Usually i would find myself looking handsome with my head shaved. Now when i looked at the mirror refection of my body and head i had no thoughts whatsoever on how i look. And the cool thing about all this is that i realized it, meaning i became aware of me not finding myself handsome when head-shaved as i used to......lol This may be a little realization,more will come soon as i continue.

Bye bye...


Larry Manuela

Sunday, 13 March 2011

the leaving of the children behind once more.

So today was the day that i left the children behind once more.
This is always going to be very hard for now on the 5 years old, he doesn't understand that mummy and dad are not anymore together so dad cannot stay there is he wish, want and desire.
Every time i have to leave he is the one who is crying the most or is crying, the 10 year old girl doesn't cry anymore. I do feel a little bit sorry for him, and i also get a little angry sometimes, because i know it is because of the situation me and his mother put him in so that he has to go through all this shit, and on top of all that we have the whole world system to that is depended on money, i have to have money in order for me to reach them. I have to work to get the money, and everyone knows that we are spending more of our times at work than we are at home with our children or family.

Before i took the train and came home i went to the children playground with my kids and there was this young little girl who just couldn't stop asking question, i guess she was about 4 years old maybe or 5.
Her first question was directed to my son, she asked him; who did your hair and my son replied; my dad.
Than she asked him who is your dad, and my son pointed at me.
Than she asked me, what is my name and where do i live, what is the number of our house, then she kept on asking what is the name of your daughter, and your son.
they played a little, then she came again and she asked; what are you guys going to eat this evening....??
i told her i don't know yet. she than replied, we are going to eat pancakes tonight. Now my daughter started to laugh and she told me but dad, people can't eat pancakes for dinner can they...?? I told her, yes they can, you never know how difficult they could be having it at home, so that is why pancakes can be perfectly normal to her. this is also another situation where one can see how the money system is based on inequality as we all know it already. The poor girl of course doesn't know the hardship of the parents of maybe even only one parent.


When i was on the train back home there were 2 Italian guys on the train, and when the train conductors ask them for their ticket they said, that they had no ticked because they have spent all of their money, and that they are now on their way to the airport to get their plane and leave, but the train conductor told them that they have to get off the train the next stop because they don't have a ticket, even though they had the proof that they are leaving the country, they had their airplane ticket with them. This is for me another way to look at the system, firstly the 2 guys not having money, will make it difficult for them to travel, especially in a country such as this Holland. Secondly, the train conductors doing all they could to keep on with their laws of  boarding train regulations. And they will not give you a chance that easy because they fear loosing their job to.

Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for my son when he is crying, because i am leaving them for a while.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even feel angry at times because of me not having enough money to see them and also being angry at the system and me supporting it as it is right now.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the little girl on the playground, because she said she was going to eat pancakes tonight for dinner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that the little girl may have parents or even one parent that take care of her, just because she said; she was going to eat pancakes tonight. 






Bye bye,.......








Larry Manuela

Saturday, 12 March 2011

day out with the children.

Today i was woken-up by my son, because i told them yesterday that we are going to go out today and have some fun together. so he was the first to wake up and immediately woke me up to, because he wanted to leave as soon as possible....lol

As i was there i was looking at all the little children and i could also see how all the parents of the children were really into dividing the children. Everyone is looking at their own children and are trying their best to make a place for their children to play on his/her own, which was very funny to see, because the children themselves were not interesting in all that separation that the parents wanted.......lol

Some of the parents came with friends and there was one in particular that looked very attractive, a blond girl.

After that i took my children to mcdonalds and when were there my son wanted to go  to pee and i told him to wait a minute because i have to go with him because you need to pay. ''Now my daughter than said; yes everything you have to pay here, we already pay for the food and yet we have to pay to go to the toilet to..??'' I then told her, of course everything is money, money and more money.

Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the parents that were there at the place i went with my children.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at a girl and saw attractiveness in her.




so that was it for this day.






Larry Manuela

Friday, 11 March 2011

first day of being with my children again.

Today i got to go to my children. It has been a long time since i have seen them for the last time.
When i got here, because i am still here at the moment, i am going to stay here for the whole weekend, the aunt of my children told me that my son has stolen a bag of M&M's and also have been fighting at school.
I looked at him very seriously and i asked him why he did all that. He looked at me first and start laughing but when he saw that i was serious he started crying. I felt a little sorry for him, but i wanted to push through the whole questioning, i want him to understand why it is he is steeling and wanting things so badly that he will steel it. I will continue to show them more stuff when i am here now, for a while, because soon i have to go home back to work. And i will not be in their everyday life again.

Self-forgiveness statement:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry when communicating to my son for what he has done. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone what i had to say to him for a later moment in time, and not to take my responsibility as i should in the moment.






LarryManuela

Thursday, 10 March 2011

back chatting 2

Now today at work as i was doing my job as normal, as what is it to be done, i heard something today from a co-worker, he was discussing something about work with another worker and he told him: '' well with Larry i have no problems, he never complains and says he is tired or whatever or that he didn't sleep well yesterday and things like that.''

that made me wonder a little about myself. And the truth is, that i can see that it is so, i really never complain about anything, it is also because i see no reason to do so, everything is just fine with me when i am doing my job , if there is a problem with the machines i just call those who have to fix it and that is it, i don't complain about the machine not working properly and stuff like that, because it is just something that happens now and then, nothing out of the ordinary. If they ask me to do something to help them so i can make their work easier for them i do so, because i see it as we have to do it together, i can't say; no, when i see that it is much more difficult for one person to the job, so i  give them a hand, even though it is not really part of the job that i was signed for. And i can also see, that because of that when i need some help people are always eager to help me, because they know that i did the same for them already, i don't even have to ask. this does make me feel good about myself a little. Then an incident happened when we went to work on the machine we had a problem with the sensors, it appeared to not working well, and i went to the office myself to call the technician, because the one who was operating the machine, i could not see her. After i have done this and she asked me when i was back, what was going on and why the machine is put on stop i told her the problem  and also told her that i already told the technician about the problem, but she than became a little angry and she told me that, that is her job,my job is to tell her what is wrong and if she can't handle it, she is then the one who must go to the technician. i just after she said that told her: ''o.k.''......but i already did it and it wasn't a big deal it is nothing to be worrying about.
But what i was thinking at that moment was: '' yes, but you never fix anything, you always call the others to fix   everything for you, so why should i call you, just for you to go and call the technician...??, to much time in doing all that, so i just walk to the technician myself.''

Why do people always do so difficult about things that are insignificant..??

Self-forgiveness statements:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself wonder in thought, of how others may perceive me to be and act.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take pride in myself because of me helping others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good about myself, just because i helped some of my colleagues.
I forgive  myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my colleague at work and say to myself within myself: yes, but you never fix anything, you always call the others to fix everything for you, so why should i call you, just for you to go and call the technician....??  to much time in doing all that, so i just walk to the technician myself.''
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought: why do people always do so difficult about things that are insignificant...?? to exist as me within me as me.




O.k. that was it for today.

Bye bye....



Larry MAnuela

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

my back chattings.

I am going to write starting of from this day on in another way, with this i mean i am going to give you the complete unfolding of what it is i am chatting about with me myself and i, and i will be using the exact words as i was thinking them, chatting within .

I woke up today and as i was standing in front of the mirror i start talking to myself and i was saying to myself: '' what the fuck Larry,what are you doing, you are so stupid to not be standing for life, you're a coward, someone who says one thing but yet can't proof to themselves that they can do it.''
Look at what we do here on this planet, why can't we see that we are doing this and change ourselves and start anew, and with anew i mean nothing of what was before must be anymore,it must not exist in this world, in the entire existence. Why are you talking to yourself man, WTF is wrong with you, you see i am much more powerful than you are, do you know who you are, look in the mirror is that it....???
Look at your life,WTF are you doing man, you can't even do one simple thing.
Look at all the fuckers here on this planet all as stupid as you are, they can't do one simple thing and that is to live..........haven't you ever ask yourself why the fuck your asking questions...??? The moment your asking questions means that you're not living and are not equal and one with life. And how the fuck can you forget that you are life, can you explain this bullshit to me, that is being talked over and over again and again....?? Maybe you never really lived, because if you really have lived, you would not be deceived in no ways whatsoever. It is like your breath here, no one can deceive you in believing or whatever that your breath is not your breath because even when you are not aware of every breath, you are still aware indirectly that you are breathing, because if you don't you're fucked.

Why don't people listen to the message, that we are abusers, we are rapers, we are deceivers, we are liars,we are killers, we are rich  fuckers, we are poor, we are really happy when we are a little kid, and happy when we got money when we are grown-ups, we are sad, we are suffering, we are sex maniacs, we are robbers, we are light workers, we are religious,we are spiritualists, we are good, we are bad, we are sick, we are healthy for a while, we die, we so-called live, we believe in shit, we eat, we sleep, we dream, we walk, we talk,we smile, we laugh,we cry, we go to war, we ''fight'' for peace,we have homes to live in and we have no homes to live in, we have clean water, and no clean water, we argue, we discuss things, we play many characters, we party, we have children, we go to school, we buy shit, we dance, we paint, we become doctors and lawyers, we are policemen, we are countrymen, we are praying, we are meditating, we are watching movies, we are singing, we are on vacation, we are working, we are on pensions, we are getting old, we are growing, we are big, we are small, we are; thin, slim, fat,ugly, beautiful, sexy, we are good mannered, we are bad mannered, we pee, we poop, we have cancer, we have aids, we have sexual diseases, we fly in airplanes, we are buried when we die, we are burnt when we die, we eat sweets, we eat salt, we eat bitter, we are inventing things we find, nothing new, just we now have become aware of something that is already here, we are geniuses, we are stupid as hell, we are mentally retarded, we are handicap, we are men, we are children, we are women, we are teenagers, we are using money, we are govern, we elect some stupid fucker to organize our lives for us, we revolt, we corporate, we industrialize everything, we destroy everything, we talk a lot about love, we beat our children, we throw a party for them when they have a birthday, we molest, we are mean, we are nice, we are gay, we are lesbians, we masturbate, we  have SM, we have fetish, we collect things, we build things,we swim ,we bungy-jump, We are egotistical fuckers, we love to win, we play sports, we don't want to loose, we are married, we are divorced, we are single, we are swingers, we speak different languages, we talk about our history that is known to us, we read books, we believe stories, we are writers, we hallucinate, we are separated in many ways, we curse, we believe in aliens,we believe in conspiracies, we are elites, we are middle class if that still exists, we are fearful, we are deluded, we illusionists, we are baggers,we are criminals and we are fair and we are unfair, we drive cars, motorcycles, we go to restaurants,we eat junk food, we take medicine, we take drugs, we drink alcohol, we smoke cigarette, we eat mushrooms,  we fart, we shave all kinds of hairs,we chat, we msn, we google, we are on social networks, we play...   .......and so on and on......   but all this, are we not doing it together...??? Is not all individual participating making all this a reality for us all here....??  I am asking you: where the fuck is all this happening...??

Haven't you had enough of that old same bullshit, look what you thought there, look at your world is that it, is that all the shit you can come up with to express in life as life. Look at that stuff, do you see anything new...?? Is this it Larry, is this all you have come here to do to express as...??
Are you not tired of the same old stuff, or are you also as stupid as all, who are saying: ''what else is there for us to do.??''
Come on man you can do it, see if you can stop me...?? Breathe more fucker...!!!!

Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk to myself as if  there is another one or one's within me talking to me, the one who is listening and hearing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect judgement within me as to me having the thought: '' what the fuck Larry,what are you doing, you are so stupid to not be standing for life, you're a coward, someone who says one thing but yet can't proof to themselves that they can do it.''
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let myself into mind chatting.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let myself to only see myself and others as me in knowledge and informations alone instead of me talking responsibility towards my own participation in this world in this existence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk to myself as if i am very serious and the conversation is with an actual real being inside me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to curse a lot when i am talking to myself, because i am feeling and getting frustrated on myself for not taking self-responsibility for my own actions in this world in this reality in this existence. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to call others as me as fuckers.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorize a bunch of things we do on this planet as examples of what we do and don't do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to state that i am tired of this bullshit that we are doing here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utter the words:'' come on man, you can do it, see if you can stop me..???  Breathe more fucker to exist within me as me.


O.k. thank you. That is it for now.




Larry Manuela

my back chattings.

I am going to write starting of from this day on in another way, with this i mean i am going to give you the complete unfolding of what it is i am chatting about with me myself and i, and i will be using the exact words as i was thinking them, chatting within .

I woke up today and as i was standing in front of the mirror i start talking to myself and i was saying to myself: '' what the fuck Larry,what are you doing, you are so stupid to not be standing for life, you're a coward, someone who says one thing but yet can't proof to themselves that they can do it.''
Look at what we do here on this planet, why can't we see that we are doing this and change ourselves and start anew, and with anew i mean nothing of what was before must be anymore,it must not exist in this world, in the entire existence. Why are you talking to yourself man, WTF is wrong with you, you see i am much more powerful than you are, do you know who you are, look in the mirror is that it....???
Look at your life,WTF are you doing man, you can't even do one simple thing.
Look at all the fuckers here on this planet all as stupid as you are, they can't do one simple thing and that is to live..........haven't you ever ask yourself why the fuck your asking questions...??? The moment your asking questions means that you're not living and are not equal and one with life. And how the fuck can you forget that you are life, can you explain this bullshit to me, that is being talked over and over again and again....?? Maybe you never really lived, because if you really have lived, you would not be deceived in no ways whatsoever. It is like your breath here, no one can deceive you in believing or whatever that your breath is not your breath because even when you are not aware of every breath, you are still aware indirectly that you are breathing, because if you don't you're fucked.

Why don't people listen to the message, that we are abusers, we are rapers, we are deceivers, we are liars,we are killers, we are rich  fuckers, we are poor, we are really happy when we are a little kid, and happy when we got money when we are grown-ups, we are sad, we are suffering, we are sex maniacs, we are robbers, we are light workers, we are religious,we are spiritualists, we are good, we are bad, we are sick, we are healthy for a while, we die, we so-called live, we believe in shit, we eat, we sleep, we dream, we walk, we talk,we smile, we laugh,we cry, we go to war, we ''fight'' for peace,we have homes to live in and we have no homes to live in, we have clean water, and no clean water, we argue, we discuss things, we play many characters, we party, we have children, we go to school, we buy shit, we dance, we paint, we become doctors and lawyers, we are policemen, we are countrymen, we are praying, we are meditating, we are watching movies, we are singing, we are on vacation, we are working, we are on pensions, we are getting old, we are growing, we are big, we are small, we are; thin, slim, fat,ugly, beautiful, sexy, we are good mannered, we are bad mannered, we pee, we poop, we have cancer, we have aids, we have sexual diseases, we fly in airplanes, we are buried when we die, we are burnt when we die, we eat sweets, we eat salt, we eat bitter, we are inventing things we find, nothing new, just we now have become aware of something that is already here, we are geniuses, we are stupid as hell, we are mentally retarded, we are handicap, we are men, we are children, we are women, we are teenagers, we are using money, we are govern, we elect some stupid fucker to organize our lives for us, we revolt, we corporate, we industrialize everything, we destroy everything, we talk a lot about love, we beat our children, we throw a party for them when they have a birthday, we molest, we are mean, we are nice, we are gay, we are lesbians, we masturbate, we  have SM, we have fetish, we collect things, we build things,we swim ,we bungy-jump, We are egotistical fuckers, we love to win, we play sports, we don't want to loose, we are married, we are divorced, we are single, we are swingers, we speak different languages, we talk about our history that is known to us, we read books, we believe stories, we are writers, we hallucinate, we are separated in many ways, we curse, we believe in aliens,we believe in conspiracies, we are elites, we are middle class if that still exists, we are fearful, we are deluded, we illusionists, we are baggers,we are criminals and we are fair and we are unfair, we drive cars, motorcycles, we go to restaurants,we eat junk food, we take medicine, we take drugs, we drink alcohol, we smoke cigarette, we eat mushrooms,  we fart, we shave all kinds of hairs,we chat, we msn, we google, we are on social networks, we play...   .......and so on and on......   but all this, are we not doing it together...??? Is not all individual participating making all this a reality for us all here....??  I am asking you: where the fuck is all this happening...??

Haven't you had enough of that old same bullshit, look what you thought there, look at your world is that it, is that all the shit you can come up with to express in life as life. Look at that stuff, do you see anything new...?? Is this it Larry, is this all you have come here to do to express as...??
Are you not tired of the same old stuff, or are you also as stupid as all, who are saying: ''what else is there for us to do.??''
Come on man you can do it, see if you can stop me...?? Breathe more fucker...!!!!

Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk to myself as if  there is another one or one's within me talking to me, the one who is listening and hearing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect judgement within me as to me having the thought: '' what the fuck Larry,what are you doing, you are so stupid to not be standing for life, you're a coward, someone who says one thing but yet can't proof to themselves that they can do it.''
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let myself into mind chatting.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let myself to only see myself and others as me in knowledge and informations alone instead of me talking responsibility towards my own participation in this world in this existence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk to myself as if i am very serious and the conversation is with an actual real being inside me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to curse a lot when i am talking to myself, because i am feeling and getting frustrated on myself for not taking self-responsibility for my own actions in this world in this reality in this existence. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to call others as me as fuckers.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorize a bunch of things we do on this planet as examples of what we do and don't do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to state that i am tired of this bullshit that we are doing here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utter the words:'' come on man, you can do it, see if you can stop me..???  Breathe more fucker to exist within me as me.


O.k. thank you. That is it for now.




Larry Manuela