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Saturday, 19 May 2012

2012, When Sex Is More Then Me.

When i look at my life and what i have managed to give into and sometimes even give up, just for a moment of pleasure as pleasure was the only thing i was seeking for as me understanding pleasure was a means to make the other ''feel'' love, the better i can make her feel as desirable and pleasurable,the more she will love me and open up and give more of these juicy life-splashing fun. I will write this for the woman and girls out there who will read this as when man approach you, for you to have an idea what most will be having in their minds, and for you to watch out for the ones you will like, especially those. That is what it is all about the ones you will like, we men are seeking mostly for the ones that will like us.

Let me go into an explanation as in how i was looking and how i was seeking within the female a way to satisfy my desire of experiencing sex in a more so called higher level, which meant in my understanding making sure the woman is wetly open to receive me as in physically so and mentally so, in order for the whole encounter to be optimum.

Lots of questions were raising through my mind as how i am going to prepare myself to be a guy not as many others when it comes to sex. How am i going to make sure that when i do it, it is perfect as in making sure i am not being fooled and told that it was great, when it was not.

So i developed a system through which i could find out for myself if i was being effective enough when engaging in the whole sexual encounter. I have asked and asked many women and listened to many documentaries and read many books to find out what the woman were missing and make lists of what they would like during a ''normal'' sexual encounter.

I have managed to watch them closely, their every move, the way they hold a cup, the way they move their hair,the way they laugh, the way they walk, the specific words they use in a sentence, how they behave alone and with their girlfriends, and when in company of men they are friends with, and men they like, what are the similarities in their body movement when they like men, how they crossed their legs when they are talking to a man they find attractive, what drinks they order, what kind of music they like and how they react to it, is it music one can dance on or music one just sing along. Within all this i even started to admire the female companion for her ability to show so much in her body and the way she moves with elegance, watch how they talk to you or anyone in different situations and different places and in what kind of company of people. I was going into the city and just sit somewhere and look at them shopping, just watching them, i spent lots and lots of hours studying them, the teenagers and the adults females. Then i read books on the female behaviors, both in working environment and when they are attracted to men.

After all this study, i study myself as to perfect myself with the tools i have on my body that i can use when i have managed to get one into having sex with me to use them, which are of course my hands, my mouths(lips and tongue) and of course my dick. I had to make sure that with these 3 things to be perfect in all 3 of them, so with every woman i will train myself, watch lots of sexual educational movies and also of course porn. And within the porn i was watching i preferred lesbian action, because of the sensitivity and the sensuality way of the movement and the whole little by little building up to the explosion. Most men will rely on their dicks most of the time, and those who like sucking will rely on it or have it as preference, but i needed to have all of the tools i can use to make sure that the moment is perfect so i can see the woman get completely horny and with all brakes loose, which was as very empowering to see how the female can get into such an exalted state of liberation and can be in it for a long time and every touch anywhere is like electricity to their fragile body, their silky smooth like skin.

Now lets move to how i did get them into having sex with me, when i know they like me.
As i talk to them,and i see they smile and they can't get their hands off of their hairs, and i deliberately lower my voice as for them to ask me: ''what did you say'' but this question will come out as in whisper, like please caress me with your voice in my ear, so i will do exactly that, my whole body movement will change, my voice low and within base making sure she don't get bored. I would ask them all those wonderful question they like to hear from someone they like, someone they are attractive to. I will ask them in this whisper voice for example: '' why am i so attractive to you..? Is it because of your beauty..?? Is it because you can't stop staring at me..?? what makes me so determine within me as i cannot stop myself to at least say one word that can assure me, that what i feel inside me is mutual..?? And i would just keep asking those questions, and the more they smile and come closer to listen and keep asking me what..?? the more i will ask these questions, because just because they already like me i will make them belief that they are the most perfect woman i have ever met and that they are all i ever wanted. And when my lips are so close to their ears, i will just give them a very light touch kiss and see how they will react, and within and at the moment i have done it, i will ask will say i am sorry for doing that, that it won't happen again, i just couldn't hold myself, but most will not answer and just smile and those that answer will say i don't mind, but their voice tonality will get lower and they will turn and look at me in my eyes with these eyes like telling me: ''please can you kiss my lips now, please''  And i will not hesitate, but i will not rush it, i will first caress their face like exploring it, like it is the most beautiful face i have ever seen in my whole life, and in that moment i am completely lost in this personality that teases, playing it smooth. Till i just hold their face in my both hands and kiss them with all the ''feeling'' i have been building up as in before getting to that one kiss, and i will make sure to work those lips teasing her little by little before i get into the whole french kissing scenario.

to be continued...loll..............................................


Larry Manuela

Sunday, 11 March 2012

2012, My Main Reason for Engaging in Sex with women.

Now i am going to layout in this blog why it is, i was so fascinated with having sex with women.
I will start immediately with the realization i have had as for the reason why i was like that, and even why sex had become like a drug to me later on in my life.

I had an interesting realization regarding myself in and when i am participating in having sex with a woman.
I found out that, i was always looking to bring out in the woman, that gentle care that i could see women have for their little babies.

It was only in having sex with them and treating them with a lot of care, as i would hold a baby in my arms during the act of sex, that i could have this experience of seeing and interpreting the women as melting and becoming like this fragile innocent baby that i can carry through the experience of becoming innocent again in the moment of having sex with her, which stimulated me enormously and i could get very horny by just making her go through this whole experience. Without me making her go through this experience meant to me, that i wasn't reaching her most inner feelings and expression of: ''letting go of'' and ''becoming innocent'' or ''her true expressive nature as a woman. ''

I would read and read and watch all kinds of sexual oriented information/depictions to see what else is there i could learn, so that the next time i can try them out and see if they work practically. Sex became like an obsession to me, like the only way to really find out if what the person is telling you she is feeling for you is real or not. But when the person was not getting all warmed up and as wet as possible, because that was the other thing to, she must get very wet, extremely wet, so that i could interpret that as me doing a good job. without all this i will see myself as someone who has failed her and not made her reach that point of the very essence of the feeling of having sex and becoming this innocent expression as child in and as a woman. And this will make me then just have the sex and get it over with, and it will not get me as horny as i would get when i see the woman becoming all melted and extremely wet and unable to hold herself and when there will be nothing left but to give in to becoming this innocence as the expression as a woman i see in all woman when carrying for their little infants. This to me represented the real expression as a woman,as the expression of care itself, and find it very fascinating to bring it out so i can enjoy it with her through her going through the whole experience of that becoming and experiencing herself as what i perceived as the expression of what woman are or should be constantly.

I would amalgamate so to speak with every touch, with every kiss, and look for all the spots/points on her body where i can have a more intense like overload of energy uprising and when that is spotted, i will molt it and play with it, like move it throughout the whole of her body to make sure that she is totally taken away in her own experience of her energetic uprising and little by little bring it all down to that one point, to the cave of  And there it will be transformed into a river that will be recognizable to me as her body being ready to receive thy staff.
Within the receiving of my staff, the sounds will change, from a groaning to a screaming like sounds in high pitch and the breathing will become long and more intense and the body moves into more curling and  the warmth of the body intensified within all this i will stop abruptly, and move up to her lips where i will kiss them intensely, with all the care i have within me, as to hold her, guide her, lay her down so speak on the pillow of innocence,where i see it as her expressing her true nature as woman and within that kiss that starts like very hungry like kiss, it slows down to a long and passionate free flowing kiss, where this calmness surrounds the whole room and the whole atmosphere becomes like this gentle embrace, the heartbeat slows down and every little movement is intense and the whole innocence of a woman arise within her as i enjoy it through her.

So it is the innocence in woman i was seeking to bring out, that became like an obsession to me, that in most of my sexual encounters were being interpreted by the woman as me being a ''perfect love maker''

So when i look at this now, i can see, that that which i was looking for in another is exactly what was missing in me, that is always the case, what you are looking for to experience through another is that which you yourself are not able or willing to give to yourself.

My Self-forgiveness statements.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to look at woman as outside myself as only through sex as the expression of innocence.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the woman using my sexual training talents to bring them into a experience that is being guided by and through me.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the experience of wanting/desiring/needing a woman to go through the ultimate experience of herself as innocence as for me to get my energetic fix through that.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to feel very satisfied when i would make them reach that point of becoming like innocent again in the moment of sex.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to only enjoy sex when the woman is totally and extremely horny, otherwise i will not enjoy the sex at all.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the woman through the touch of my hands, my kisses, and my penis to get her to reach the point where i can have a energetic fix of.

I forgive myself for i haven't accepted and allowed myself to enjoy sex, without the energetic outflow and built up, that i would see as as the only way for me to really get horny and enjoy sex because of being horny.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to totally focus on the woman alone and put myself aside,and just depended on extreme portrayal in order for me to then after that get my fix.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself deliberately to manipulate the woman in order for her to get to that stage through sex.

I forgive myself for i have  accepted and allowed myself feeling better about myself when the woman will tell me that i am a perfect love maker.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to even get horny on the innocence of woman.

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to knowingly engage in the act just for the purpose to get the woman to reach that what i wish/want/need/desire of them for me.

Corrective statement.

Whenever i see myself in my future sex encounters going into a state where i am not one and equal with and to the woman i am with i stop, breathe and start again till i am one and equal and two physical beings sharing their physical touch together without any preconceived idea or intention, just two physical being engaging in the act of physical touch as sex, and be totally HERE in that moment as one as equals as life.


Larry Manuela

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Saturday, 10 March 2012

2012, Why do we insist that Love is the answer to the world problems..??

As one can see, the LOVE delusion has taken major value shift, or should i say system value. It is NOT life value.
It is being promoted and seen and acknowledge as a very important thing, that men can have(this love) so men can be compassionate and caring. In another word the love is dependent on something else before it can be what it is, or be expressive as for what it implies within this world. 

Just because someone went through an experience where one was in love and the feeling was all nice and fluffy, one believes that, that is what the world needs in order for us to understand each other and come to a giving mode of actions towards our fellow human beings and many other beings without any constrains attach to it.

But let us have look at how this feeling of love really plays out in our everyday living on this planet, in this world, in this reality.

You have the kind of love that you encounter in two people feeling for one another where they built a relationship out of, and all this is always connected as some special feeling of love.
You have the kind of love where you have this feeling of love where it is only for your siblings, your mother/father and some other family members that are related to you from your mother and your father side.
You have the kind of love that is only for those special friends you have that agree with you on some points or many points.
You have the kind of love that you feel for some animal you have as pet.
You have the kind of love that you feel for the country you were born in.
You have the kind of love for the people specifically from that country where you were born into alone.
You have the kind of love where you have a special connotation to the language that you speak in the country you are born into.
You have the kind of love for the food that is being prepared in your country, by your people or your parents.
You have the kind of love where you are looking at the nature of your country and has a special feeling about it, that makes you believe/think that it is yours.
You have the kind of love for some genre of music you like and will give a lot of arguments about that specific music you have that you will term special again, because of the feeling you have to/towards that particular music.
You have the kind of love that is for the work of arts in this world and it will be so special to you that you will only deal with the people who can agree with you on how special this art is.
You have the kind of love for specific genre of movies that you have special feelings to/towards them and one more time find people who agree with you so you can all have this special feeling of love for the whole movie genre.
You have the kind of love where you see yourself as being so important then everybody else, because you have some higher degrees in some education and therefore it puts you in a position of value so you can feel all this special feeling of being special and loving this idea so much.
You have the kind of love where you have a special feeling to/towards your job, because it makes you feel so good when you are doing it and especially when you get paid.
You have the kind of love for going out and having a good time.
You have the kind of love for going on vacation and having a good feeling by traveling all over the place.
You have the kind of love where you help those people in need and it makes you feel so special because you believe that you are doing something about their situation, and it will give you a good position in heaven when you die.
You have the kind of love for your religion where you will defend it with all your might, that your religion is the best religion ever, even when you can see that your religion never brought about a world that is best for all, and not even made you realize that you have to change you and live the change, so the world can become a world that is best for all through all participants.
You have the kind of love that makes you feel so special about a specific sport.
You have the kind of love that is so special for some famous people that you don't even know at all who they really are, but just because you also dream of having a life like that you admire them and secretly be jealous of them. Now if you have a look at all this and you study within  yourself, you will see that the moment the love start to move away from those whom are close to you it starts to diminish in it's potency, it start to become less and has not that much impact on you and you will only say or do something about it, if it threatens your immediate love mates, your family members for instance. So this means that in your love there is a lot of fear to brewing beneath the surface, which should not be so, because love should be love one thing and not two thing in one thing, it cannot have a little bit of fear and a little bit of love, it should be full love, one thing.!!  No division at all..!!

Now i can continue with a lot of those kinds of love that people seem to have for whatever they do or believe. And this love is always special according to them, without realizing/seeing/understanding that this specialness implies in itself separation.This love is not ONE expression as one and equal as life,to the same understanding and same living conditions and respect to/for life as it should be. It is just a feeling a wonderful feeling that everybody is so mesmerized  with/by/through within their own minds. The reality however is that there is nothing special at all about it, because all the rest is saying that they also have this special feeling to/towards someone or something, and it should not even be something that involves specialness. The moment one does that, one has judged within oneself and find that someone or something has more value then another and so deserves to be special, in another word, someone or something has more valuable reason to deserve your feeling of love according to your estimates, because these are not certainties. Many of us have already gone through all kinds of levels of love where the love we felt was not constant and consistent and in circumstances where it was related to relationships in some form or another towards how our feeling of love have failed us dramatically, that should have risen a red flag immediately, but we are so brainwashed and consumed within this feeling of love, that we disregard any and all moments when we know for sure, that the feeling is not to be trusted, because it is based on a believe that one has,that the person one is with will also have the same feeling you are busy experiencing inside yourself, but you just never know for sure even though they may say it to you or even act in a way that looks like they may mean what they say. Because you had already experienced in your life or seen it in people around you how that could be manipulated and how you could fall for what appear to be real as what the person is telling you is true or not and if they truly mean what they say or if their action is a justifiable action or just another action to maintain your believe in them, that they are loving you, so they can continue sucking the energy out of you in whatever form it will turn out to be. To put it in one word it is just to fulfill  their ''selfish purposes.''

In your wants/needs/desires you can notice that you are always projecting them to/towards another. Meaning another must bring you to a point where you can have those feelings within you being experienced, so you become a slave to an outside source in the form of a person or a thing. When all the while the only one who is able to generate and go through the feeling of love is no-one but you yourself alone. It is you who is accepting and allowing the other to be like a catalyst in order for you to ignite within you your own feeling of love. So if you are the one generating the feeling within you, why is it that you are in need of an outside source..?? What is this craving for another for you to ignite the feeling you will experience of love within you alone. You are the one going through that feeling that you yourself generated using your mind. And understand you were perfectly alive before you generated that feeling, you didn't need it at all, maybe there was a wish in you for you to get to it, but it wasn't existent within you till you saw in that one particular person or thing that matched your preferences that you have accumulated throughout your life experience in this world and that you have stored as memory in your mind. So because the feeling of love was none existent within you before it manifested itself through yourself when you saw within the world outside of you someone or something that resembles that which you desire/wish/need/want, makes it an illusion of grandeur.

So bringing it to my heading, love is NOT and will never be a solution to the world problems, because it is a fleeting illusion that is not one and equal in all those who are feeling the love drug, it will remain a judgement for them on who and what they will love or love the most and so others will not be taking part in their love for lots of reasons,but mostly for those wonderful reasons that they will term: '' bad/wrong/negative.'' these are the reasons where love will be absent.


Larry Manuela

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Sunday, 4 March 2012

2012, Are We Getting Hornier..??

As a matter of fact when i look into this world and particularly in my own life i can see that this ''being horny'' is making more ground,meaning; 'it is becoming more and more visible within the youth and also within the adults in this world. When it comes to the youths nowadays they seem to be more open to engage into acceptances of this manifested form  of wanting/wishing/desiring sex.

In spirituality being horny is thought of  as being hungry for love.

So in spirituality it is all about the energy generation that one goes through when having sex, which is being named in this world with a positive connotation called: ''love''
When looked at it in this world in general it's  all about how two people can make one and another reach a point of orgasm, which will mean the release of the energy accumulation and compounded, created within and by the body itself, manipulated by and through the mind in order for the mind to have it's dose of energy to continue it's existence as a mind consciousness system within  the physical human body. It is your mind as the system within you that is requiring energy to exist not your body. When you are eating e.g. it is not really nourishing your body, but is more nourishing the system placements within your human physical body.

So when we are horny what we really want is, to lessen this energy built up within us to make it reach a point where it becomes to much and has to be released and this we call then: ''orgasm''

What we are not noticing and paying attention to is; Where is this energy going to..??
Because it is not going back to the body, if it was so, we would not be calling it a release, it would be an energy expansion, an energy that is being spread throughout the entire body, not for it to just climb all the way to your head and for you to scream: '' oh my god....!!!''   You see that...?? There you go,screaming the energy built up as it reaches and give to the god of your being which is your mind at the moment the necessary boost for it to continue deluding you with the wonderful thoughts/feelings/emotions you are so used to and that you have come to defined as the: '' who i am''

So as we can see people are having tons of sex in this world right now, they are even having solo-sex, which means masturbation, once again to please the mind and serve it with some more energy to keep those pictures coming, like drug addicts, that is what we are when it comes to sex, we are just addicted to it in the way it is being done and for the purpose it is being used for. And no-one is really looking into it, and seeing/realizing that there is something very wrong within all this,just because it  ''feels'' good. Everything related and connected to ''feeling good'' is accepted and allowed in this world without any question. Everyone is even aspiring and desiring to go through the experience of this ''feeling good.''When ''feeling good'' walks hand in hand with ''feeling bad'' they are twins, that don't look

So when are we going to share with our own bodies this energy that it creates for us...??  Or are we going to continue mining it till the last drop and becoming less and less of the body each passing day, the part of us that is really real...??

In order for us to reach this kind of energy sharing back to the creator which is our bodies, we have to do a lot of self-forgiveness on the load of pictures and images and words in the mind related to sex, and stay and be one and equal to/as the breath as you, and within this application support and assist the body to spread it's own energy creation so all parts in and as the body experience at the same time their own creation as themselves one and equal, and so you to, experience this real oneness and equality as the sharing of the energy creation of your own human physical body, as one as equal as yourself as your own body.

What i am noticing within my own direct environment/reality over here is that i can see that a lot of people especially young woman/girls are getting pregnant and are having lots of kids. The mind as ourselves is playing a big role in all this using our horny addiction to have more sex and  make the physical produce more humans, so it can continue mining for more energy from the physical for it's existence as a mind consciousness system.


Larry Manuela

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Saturday, 25 February 2012

2012, Why am i Self-Responsible...?

Now for most people in this world this is very hard to grasp when one is speaking to someone or a group of people regarding us as humans specifically to be Self-responsible.
Especially when it comes to those occurrences/happenings that are atrocious and abusive and harmful in/to/towards  life as we understand it here on this planet as of right now. 
We tend to immediately  go into a defensive mode to justify the whole occurrences as it is not our place to do/ say something about it, let alone STOP and create another way of existing in our relationships within and as ourselves and within and as ourselves as the world at large so that none of these ''bad/negative/wrong'' things can occur or even exist.

The moment we are HERE on this planet as a living being, is reason and purpose enough for any and each participant to realize that this is where we are and this is our relationship to/towards where we are and we cannot have a relationship(s) that are destructive in anyways whatsoever, because it compromises our own individual existences in this reality and limit our own expressions as individuals and also that of all the rest of expressions of/as life to just express themselves as LIFE.

So let me bring it HERE to SELF as an example for you to grasp, how it is that i as being a participant HERE in this world, in this reality, on this planet makes me accountable for what happens to myself and all the others as self.

I can see starvation going on in this world, and when i see it i know by looking at it, that i would not like myself to be in a situation like that, so when i see that i, myself is unwilling to live that kind of life wherein i must starve, and yet it is HERE in this world where i am also in, it then becomes my responsibility to solve this problem of starvation, especially when i have investigated and see if the EARTH is producing enough food and water so each can eat and drink, it immediately makes me realize/see/understand that i must STOP this, even if no-one else is willing to walk with me in this...!!!

I can see WAR going on in this world and i know that i would not want myself nor the people i have a close relationship with be in a situation where they are being killed for whatever stupid reason, or just to be killed alone for the sake of finding a reason to do so is beyond insanity. So because i am HERE when this is happening on my watch so to speak, i am responsible for the outcome in all these situations of abuse to LIFE.

I can see that our participation within the current monetary system is one of slavery,one of abuse to others, one that promote and instigate separation, one that support limitation, one that support harm to LIFE, one that supports DEBT/SIN, one that support ownership to land and resources of the EARTH as if they are ours to own, when in fact in our arrival HERE, THEY were already HERE, one that supports competition, one that supports inequality, one that supports master and slave relationships, one that supports destruction to the planet, one that supports poisoning of the oceans and rivers and soil, one that supports mining the EARTH till there is nothing more left just to make more profit, one that supports an education that only is in favor of the system as to make money and survive, one that supports pornography, one that supports child labor, one that supports cheap labor, one that support labor in general that is not what is BEST for LIFE, ALL LIFE..........etc etc

So by just participating in the current system as it is, no matter how ''good'' we believe ourselves to be, we are participating in the opposite of what good is, which is ''bad''  and it is more then obvious, it is right in our faces on the television news, in the laws and rules and regulations we make, in just everything, in our very fabric of thoughts,feelings and emotions.

So to be SELF-Responsible is to be: '' the who am i, in what i do about what i see that are NOT what is best for all''


Larry Manuela

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Friday, 17 February 2012

2012, What We At Desteni Mean With Equal Money.

Now before i continue writing more, let me say that, it is NOT because you hear/see the words: ''equal'' and ''money'' within the words equal money that it means what you BELIEVE it means.
Most people, those who are educated at least a little bit, will tend to compare EQUALITY with socialism or communism. And the word money they will compare it with what they know of knowledge and information about the current capitalistic system that is now in place, which is dominantly rooted and geared in DEBT.

When we at desteni talk about equality, we are not taking about sameness, that everybody have the same thing or we all do the same thing. We are talking about, we all have the same essence and same rights to experience life on this earth, in this reality at the utmost potential without abusing nor harming each other or anything for that matter. Where no-one is more or better or has more value then another, but that ALL are valued as equals as LIFE. Where we share and give our talents to make our experience and all other lifeforms experiences one that is truly worthwhile and enjoyable and dignified. All are in this self-responsible human beings who know how to honor and value life as who and what they are as all that life is expressing itself as and within/without, one and equal.

Now when it comes to money, we are simply placing this word in context of distributing and making the logistic possible and assessable to all on this planet in a more efficient way, so all will be provided for and taken care of the things they need in order to have a life, a dignified life without struggle and where the fear of survival as it exist now in the current system is eradicated. We can say it is a system where our necessities for a living here on the planet as a human in relation to plants and animals, and nature in it's entirety is being managed and taken care of by ourselves in the best possible way, where every individual know their place and know how to take care of themselves and assist and support themselves and each other and everything else.

So when it comes to individuals in the current system attempting and trying to compare ''equal money''  with what they have as knowledge and information about the current system in relation to money, these individuals must understand that they have no point of reference or point where they can compare equal money with, because equal money is a complete new system coined in ONE breath to bring humanity in a living condition of breathing together and where we can start sorting out our differences and our separations within ourselves and within our world at large. So please STOP trying to compare it with ideas that has been tried before and stuff like that or with the current system, because you are just deluding yourself by doing that. There is No point of reference and NO point of comparison, they are none existent. Very simple, because of what i have already said, it has never been HERE on earth before..!!

If you have it within you, and you can grasp what i am saying and you are ready for this, join us and let's work to bring about this equal money, it will be the beginning of a new human, one that is truly for the first time free, and with free i mean free to express life as who you are.


Larry Manuela

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Sunday, 12 February 2012

2012, simplicity in what it means to be in Separation with Yourself.

I am going to put down here in simple words at how i look at this within myself and also within the world outside.

Now, i am going to use practical examples that all of us, can relate to so we can grasp this very easy.

Now at desteni, when we say, ''bring it all to self'' what is it that we mean with those words..??
What we mean is the following: '' you bring your thoughts, emotions and feelings, reactions and denials and everything that happens within you as an energetic occurrence/reactions to yourself, so you are NOT in separation to/towards them within yourself and in so doing project them into your world outside.''

You may be asking the question, but how can i be in separation to those things if i am the one experiencing them..??
The problem is, you are in separation with them, because they are happening automatically, you have no saying in all of it, thoughts, emotions and feelings just automatically pop-up within you and you just follow, you accept them as '' the way i function.'' '' that's the way it is''

Now let us look at a fascinating thing that you probably never stood still and looked at it from this perspective.

I am going to use an example here.
Let's say someone tell you to go fuck yourself, with the whole body language and face expression when saying that to you, that you would interpret as this person using ''bad/harsh language'' towards you. Now because you have given those words and the whole package of what you see and hear value as being a ''bad/harsh language'' you have attached some emotions to to those words, so every time someone use these words and with the body language and face expression and everything that goes with it you will react according to the definition you, yourself have given that particular set of words. Now here is the interesting thing; the moment you react and become emotional, in this case angry, that emotion just popped-up, it just appeared within you automatically,you must understand that it is not you directing that emotion and you making yourself in full awareness become angry. You know..?? like saying: '' o.k. let me allow an emotion as anger come up within me now, and it happens''

So what does this mean...???

It means the following, that you are in separation with your own mind, because your mind is consisting of and existing as thoughts, feelings and emotions. And this mind is accepted and allowed by YOU to run by itself on automatic pilot.It is the directive principle and NOT YOU..!!!

If you have a look at this in self-honesty you will clearly see,how none of your thoughts, feeling nor emotions are directed by you to present and manifest themselves. Can you grasp this...??
So you are then in separation with your own mind, because your mind is running on it's own making decisions and leaving you out of the equation, but yet you would say: '' but it is my mind''

There are almost very very few individuals within this world who are directing their own thoughts, and feelings and emotions, the rest it is all on automatic pilot.

So this is the first step to realize that you are in separation with your own mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions. So now going back to the example i gave a few paragraphs above, in that scenario you will then react in separation with your own mind and project this separation towards this person in the outside world reality, which will bring you into a situation of trouble/conflict and disputes and arguments and can become worst even fighting and killing each other. If you have realized that you are the one accepting and allowing your mind to run a muck, without you having any saying in the matter, you will create this separation in your world outside. That is why we are saying that the world we live inside as in separation with our minds is exactly the same into the world we live outside, because this garbage is being projected into the outside world as well so you will have inside equals outside. Can you see this...?? separation inside is also separation outside in the physical reality, on a larger scale.

So how do we solve this problem..??

We bring the moment we see ourselves going into the reaction in this case of becoming angry, we STOP ourselves in breath, and do not accept and allow that emotion to come up within you and also after that  be projected by you in separation with your own self, into the outside world. This is where you bring it all back to Self and embrace it as yourself and you do self-forgiveness immediately or when you are at home, but stick within and as your breath. Make sure to be very specific in how you reacted and why and so forth, and be absolutely  honest with yourself in exactly how you reacted and let yourself be angry. In this manner you will start to become your own directive principle of your own thoughts/feelings/emotions, and little by little pealing all the layers till you reach a point where no more thoughts and feelings nor emotions can come up by themselves, you are then totally here as you, as the totality of and as you. And then you can grasp and be understandable when you see others reacting like you use to do and also see and understand that they to are in separation with their own minds and also have accepted and allowed themselves to be ruled and controlled by their own minds. In this manner you can be of assistance to them and have compassion and understanding and let them see that they have to bring themselves back to Self, and be the directive principle of their own life, and not let their minds that is separation do that for them.

Now when you are at home by yourself you put all your thoughts/feelings/emotions on a piece of paper or you write down on your computer, doesn't matter as long as you are writing, the physical movement of writing where the body is learning, so you become more effective in your voicing out of what is going on within you on paper, and you be as Self-honest as possible, and you then Self-forgive yourself, and make sure to do your Self-corrective applications whenever you see yourself go into reactions of thoughts/feelings and emotions within you and towards another and the world at large. Don't forget to stick to your breathing the only place you are sure that you are grounded and HERE always, using your common sense.


Larry Manuela

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Monday, 23 January 2012

An interesting occurence with my Son.

Now with the turning of the past year into this year i had my son here at my place with me, i went to pick him up by the mother, my daughter didn't want to come, she find that here where i am, because i am alone and no other kids to play with and all that stuff, makes the whole thing boring for her, so she didn't want to come and the mother was trying to force her to come, but i told the mother, to let it be, if she doesn't want to come, it doesn't matter, it is not an obligation you know,she doesn't want to come no problem.

So now i was here with my son and interesting event took place. 
I was chatting with a friend of mine on MSN and i had my webcam on and we were chatting and my son is right now learning how to write  and how to read and spell, so he is very interested in doing all those things that are involving those particular disciplines. we were chatting and was telling this friend of mine, that his teeth are all like twisted in his mouth right now, and that he is going to have to go to the dentist soon with the mother to see what the dentist can do for him, because he went already, and the dentist said that the new teeth that are coming out are not coming out right and are pushing behind the one's that have to fall out, and because of that all his front teeth are like twisted and stuff like that, and i was telling my friend and he is sitting next to me and watching me and my friend talk about this and i was telling my friend: '' yes and i don't know what the dentist is going to do with this little fellow here.'' And as i was telling this to my friend i was laughing, but not laughing as in the sense of teasing him or making fun of him, but just laughing so he may not be feeling ''bad'' about the whole thing, thinking/believing that in that manner will not ''hurt his feelings'' when we talk about his teeth.

So now guess what happened...?? 

That was exactly what happened, he got angry and started to cry but more in a screaming way and jumping up and down and throw things on the ground and stuff like that, and try to brake a little toy motor-bike the aunt gave him, and i just looked at him and i continued chatting with my friend and she could hear all this, and she was telling me, wtf: '' are you not going to do anything about that, because he seem like a little spoiled brad.''  So i told my friend: '' not yet, i am going to let him play out his little show here and when he is done i going to have a serious conversation with him, i am going to talk to him like he is not accustom to.''

So i left him in his possession for a while and after he was done and he noticed that i was not paying any attention to his play out, i went and sat next to him and in that moment i placed myself in his shoes and i talked to him as my equal, not as a father talking to a son, but two human beings having a serious conversation about in this case the behavior he was showing.
So i looked into his eyes and i start to ask him questions. I asked him: '' why are you behaving like this, and i need you to look at me in my eyes and talk to me..??  Do you think i found what you were doing funny, or did it seem like i was enjoying it...??  And he was looking at me, and every time i get serious with him he will cry, it's a form of trying to manipulate, but i told him, do not cry, because there is nothing to cry about and also nothing to fear, i am not going to scream or get angry at you or anything i am just addressing your behavior of just now, seriously with you so in order for me to understand you and then we can walk through this whole thing together to see why it is you behaved like that. I asked him then: '' why did you do that..??  He answered: '' yes because you and your friend were making fun of my teeth, and i don't like it because at school other kids are making fun of me to and when i tell my peers at school, they don't do anything, and when i tell my mother she tells me to hit them, but when i hit them i am the one that get punished instead, so i can't keep on doing that either.  Now for a 6 years old to see all that,i find it fascinating.

So now i have found within him the reason of him being angry, because he is relating his past experience of being bullied at school and other kids making fun of him in relation to his teeth, that are all twisted in his mouth, to me and my friend talking about it and just because we are laughing makes him believe/think that we are teasing or making fun of him.
And he was telling me that he has no friends really at school, just some kids he plays with. And then i told him. Now listen to me. Next time when you get into fights or other kids teasing you, you just walk away and you go to one of your peers and you tell them directly what is going on, and you just be insistent and serious about it, just like i am being serious about the whole thing with you right now. And if that doesn't work, when you have to play and stuff like that, you do something or play something that involves you playing alone, and i told him you just let those other kids be, don't go into fights and stuff like that, you just stand your ground, and you make sure to, to make it clear to your peers at school, that you are not going to play with  those kids that are bullying you and make fun of you, and when all those things happen, i want you to remember one thing that is very important, to be one and equal with your breath, don't be emotional and stuff, just stay here with your breath and you will see, you will be fine and stable. I also told him, that it is difficult for you, because you as a child always want to enjoy yourself playing, is a great activity for you, and not playing with some other kids especially when you like type of activities or games that involve more then one individual, because his favorite activity right now is: ''soccer''  And soccer is not that fun if you are alone doing it. And if they are making fun of you while playing you remember to stick to your breathing ......................out........don't resist the making fun scenario that is busy going on outside of you and see what happens, maybe they will STOP doing it or maybe not, but it won't affect you emotionally though. And after that i asked him if he grasped it, he said yes.

And i told him after the conversation; ' you see, how we can communicate with each other without no-one being angry or screaming and do all those none-senses, and reach a point of mutual understanding..? ' He said yes. The reason why i said that to him, is because i know that the mother at home have no patience with them, and this is the one point that i let say regret leaving them behind with the mother, because she is always screaming at them and shit like that, so they are very obedient because of fear, and my son is obedient but he has got a temper to. He is very fast in showing aggressive tendencies. And i am always talking to the mother about these things, to not do that, that she must stop doing that kind of shit, because she is bringing them up using fear and in fear they will become later on in life, products of fear that you created. And this whole thing is bothering me, because of my financial situation within this world, i am not in a ''secure'' financial situation where i can say to the mother, you know something just leave them with me and i will take care of them myself. In my situation right now i can barely survive, i have a job but it is not a steady job it is not something i can count on, and i am living in a studio, not a proper living situation to be in with two kids and especially in this country where they can take away your kids for shit like that, and i am also on top of all that shit,  working shifts, so how the heck am i going to take care of them when i have to work at different times all the time, and have not enough money to pay for day care and all those wonderful stuff they have over here, but yet, not really very practical for every individual. So taking them with me, is making their lives a more living hell. Me alone i am ready for every shit that comes to me, but being with them and making them go through some shit that i can go through much more easily, but they can't i find even more abusive. With the mother, she has a sister there and the mother is in the social benefit program they have over here in this country,so she is always home and when she has something to do, she can ask the sister to look after them for a while or the sister can help her with them, but with me, it is ALL me alone, no-one to help, i do have my sister here where i live,in this town but she has her own children and she is working herself to, so that whole thing won't work for me in my situation as it works for the mother in her situation. All this shit is due to the stupid monetary system we have in place, where we cannot even take care of our children properly, because without money in this system you are literally fucked on all levels. It makes it very, very hard, and you even get punished to in some circumstances involving kids and their living conditions in this country for example when it is not your fault, but the fault from a stupid monetary system. The punishment being the excuse that you are not in a condition financially to take care of your children so we are going to take them away from you and give them to some strangers to somewhere to take care of them, while you are busy working out your problems with money and house and all the shit that can take years and years....

So the whole ''moral'' of this story is, that a child does understand you when you talk to them using common sense and talk to them as your equal instead of talking to them from the starting point of being the authority in the house, just because you are the all so famous '' parent''


Larry Manuela

Saturday, 21 January 2012

How was I able to HEAR the desteni message..??

Let me start by going back to explain a little about what  i was doing before i came across the desteni people sharing their message.

As long as i can remember since i was a little boy,i saw in life that something is wrong, but of course you don't have the vocabulary to ask the right questions to yourself. So i was quiet within myself always watching and observing and tried to figure out why the things are the way they are, why does it have to be so...?? That was the main question i was asking myself a lot,when i was a kid and even in my teenage years, even though if you knew me back then it would not be noticeable. I was a quiet person, but not so much because i am afraid of people, but more because i saw that i have things or questions within that when i looked at the people's lives, it didn't look like those questions that i had, they might be having those questions, because all their conversations were about things that were considered ''normal'' in life. And the questions i had within me were not what would be considered as ''normal.'' So my whole life was more like me being an observer/keep it to myself.

When i got into the junior high, and started to learn about more things that i didn't knew before, i also saw something else, that it was boring, because it was like, and it is like this up to this day. You are been given something to learn and it is written in the form of facts, and all you need to do is copy it in your head and the better you are in copying, the better student you will be, because you can memorize things very good. But i had problem with the whole thing, i didn't like it, seem to easy. But one more time, i didn't have at the time the right questions due to my poor vocabulary so i can ask myself and my peers critical questions, regarding the materials we are being given at school to learn, or anything for that matter, that matters in life.

My real quest started when i got to Holland to study, here is where i started to read at first i read the bible, but there was more contradiction in it, so i continue reading a lot of stuff, i was like a sponge sucking every information i could, from mysteries and the esoteric, the sciences that dealt in matters that were trying to explain why we are here and stuff like that. But eventually i got to a website once that is called: ''the Wingmakers''. And i  read and read a lot of that material and it was intriguing, but it seem to difficult to do, it is as if you have to be a scientist and a very learned person in symbolism and signs and stuff like that to really understand it all. But in all that it was the first time that i heard or in this case read, that: ''Anu, had something greater in mind, and that was that he wanted to control that which was greater then him.''

Now i have heard from Anu before, because of the esoteric materials i was reading and the history of the Sumerians  where their is mentioned the Annunaki race. And i also heard/read of him in other channeling materials that were being given here on this planet specifically from Ramtha. But Ramtha didn't say, that he wanted to control that which was greater and more then him. And that was the ONE thing that i kept within me, that somehow was like a great realization, something that i needed to hear, like this will lead me to somewhere, to some real answer. And it was just that one sentence, it was not like the writer of the wingmakers material went into a whole explanation of why it is and all that, that Anu wanted to control that which was greater then him.

So one evening i was watching videos on youtube that i normally do all the time, and i saw a girl, now i know that the girl's name is Sunette, and i just saw the name in the heading i immediately said to myself: '' let me watch this one, to see what she has to say about this Anu. And i saw her in the video breathe in and  breathe out and out she went from her body, which to me was nothing unusual or strange or whatever, one more time, because i was already coming from the esoteric and channeling materials and those kind of stuff seem all familiar, it is not the first time. And it was this: desteni video

I watched that video over and over again and sometimes i still do, it was the greatest message of what i considered to be of something that i needed to know, when i saw that video. And since that day onward i read and saw all the videos that desteni had placed on the web and i have even joined them in spreading this message of oneness and equality, because i realize that this is truly, and this what i am about to say is NOT a believe, that this is our only way out of our own creation...!!!

Now one can say, that i was fortunate to have ventured on the load of information in this world which made it easy for me to understand their message and see the common sense in it, but it was not the information or the knowledge i had, it was my ability to question the things i have read in my life, that really made me understand their message, because of everything i have ever read or saw in my life, i was always questioning them, from people to things. Let me just say, to me questioning itself was like the answer, because when you question something, you will see the question itself is the answer, because the question is what is missing. Can you grasp this..??

Let me give you an example of how i do that.

Question: '' why are we HERE..???..''   To you maybe this is just a question that a lot of people on this planet is asking or have been asking throughout history and they are looking for an answer. To me it is not about the answer, i look at the question itself, and when i look at that it is the answer to myself telling myself what I am ,missing and i am forming that as the above mentioned question, so it means to me, that I am missing the reason why i am HERE, so why am i here as the question to myself is what i am missing and is then what i am not living. To you this maybe very difficult to understand, but if you look at it in common sense you will see, that what i mean is this: '' when we live something for real, it is and become part of and as you, it is who you are, so you cannot, NOT be knowing who and what and why or where you are..''    These are all realizations for us to see that we are NOT really living as life as we may believe we are in fact. Because in factual living, in always being HERE, there is no question, you are expressing yourself as all that you are right HERE. As long as we have questions it means we are not living the very questions we are having concerning LIFE..!!


Larry Manuela

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Sunday, 8 January 2012

New Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow the systems within me as me, as part of me as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind as my mind is part of me as me as self.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to see and understand the systems within me as systems that need to be removed, instead of standing equal and one with them as me, as all being part as me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself that i can get rid of the systems within me and then become life as self, when the systems within me are also me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to treat the systems within me as not part of me, but as parts of me that needs to be removed,because they are just systems and not life.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to be blind and not see and understand that in oneness and equality that ALL is me,is part of SELF.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to see and understand that even the systems within me are all me, and that all that i create is always me, no matter what it is, and how big or how small it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand one and equal to the systems within me as me,as self.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the systems of my own creation within as separate from me and not as parts of me as me as self. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not embrace all that is me as the systems that are also me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to separate myself to all that is part of me as me.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see the systems as a BEING as part of me, instead treated and wanting to delete them as systems and in so doing deleting parts of me that are me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my emotions as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my feelings as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace mind as a being within and as myself, as part of me as self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in self-interest and leave parts of me as me that i saw as systems and not as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself that i didn't see that i was not applying my equality equation effectively to suit what is best for all.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself within my separation to the systems within me and in this way create friction/conflict with parts of me as me as systems as beings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the systems within me as only systems and not as BEINGS.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to see my mind consciousness system as just a system and not as a being as part of self as part of me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to NOT understand Marduk clearly when he was talking about the systems that he created to be him, and that he could understand himself better through the systems and symbols he created that were part of him as him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not bring all the parts of me as the mind consciousness system as me as life HERE and become one equal to all that is me as all that is me that i have created as me.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to take myself responsibility to stand as one as equal to all that is me as me, and embrace and become real individual as all the parts within the individual parts that form the specific individuality as any given expression, which is on and in itself are all parts of a totality, a wholeness, oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my  negligence parts of me as mind consciousness systems and see it as a part of me that i am more then it, when in reality in oneness and equality it is all me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself that to not take my responsibilities to stand as one and equal to ALL that is part of me as me, and in so doing manifested a total mess, because i am not one and equal with all the parts of me as me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to become a being in disagreement with all the parts that form everything that is me.

I walk as one as equal from now on as ALL that i am equal and one to all that i am, to all the parts that i am, as EGO, Emotions, Feelings, mind consciousness system,thoughts all as beings within as me as all parts of and as SELF.


Larry Manuela

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Understanding more of myself.

Now within this blog i am writing down what i have been doing and also what i have
NOT been doing, which is also of importance in the times to come to support and assist others as me as i am being supported and assisted through all the blogs and vlogs of our members talking and writing their own particular realizations and difficulties facing themselves, which is a very hard thing to do,especially in the initial stages of the process as any Destonian will tell you, because it is about: '' letting go of'' all that is within you, that you have come to accept and allow to be and become part of you as you in this world.

Most of my time i spent it on reading and watching the Desteni videos and watching/reading the other members  their videos or writings and try to support and assist them as much as possible as i can, because i know from personal experience that this process of birthing ourselves into life, the physical is not going to be something i can do all by myself, it is a group effort, a group support and assistance occurrence. And from the frailties and growing of others we get the strength for ourselves to push and walk our own individual processes, which on that level, thus the actual walking is for the individual him/herself to do, no-one can do your walking for you, the others can only support and assist you, there where you are falling or where you do not see with clarity yet, what it is that is within you that is a veil before you.

Now within the breathing application i am becoming more aware of my breathing, because i am paying attention to it and i find myself sometimes getting out of this attention, but the fascinating thing about it is, that even when you do get out of focus and attention you catch yourself into let's say: ''cheating'' on yourself for not paying attention to your own breathing, and you can immediately see within this how you jump into thoughts and feelings and emotions, so you immediately ground yourself back to reality by/through your breath, the only thing you can truly trust and is very intimate indeed.

Before i go to bed i do some self-forgiveness statements out loud, and i have been doing this more lately, and i do feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders as i engage into this, it is very supportive, and i enroll and embrace myself under the blanket and let the thoughts come up within me and i do my self-forgiveness on them, and within this is look for where one thought will lead me into another thought-construction and i continue with this, and more lately i have seen some more changes especially in my participation in the group and i also see that i have NOT been constant and consistent within my writings as it should be. I do place my writings at the end of the month, but to myself i can see that it is not enough, not that i am being hard on myself or anything, it's just that in writing one is teaching your physical to learn more about communicating and the more you write, the more effective you will become when you are speaking/voicing/communicating. When it comes to making V-logs i don't do that, that much, simply because of this fact to, i want to be more effective before i can V-log, but as i have realized on the chats we had tonight that it is important to do so anyways, because as you grow and become more effective in your communication in your videos, people will see the changes and can also see, how you have developed yourself from a beginning and how you are doing now, how you have changed. So this is imperative that we do so, that i do so. So when new people come in they can see the way we have evolved and how effective we have become in voicing ourselves and in bringing the Desteni message to the world as ourselves as we walk the message in our everyday lives, in whatever part of the world we may be, and in whatever circumstances we may find ourselves, and the more we grow in our expansion and in our becoming more and more as a one group standing in one principle, and walking and bringing about the changes necessary so we can start on the world level, but first on our own level, individual levels, as we walk our talks, and spread the message of oneness and equality, that which is best for all. In this walking we face ourselves, it is not a beautiful and lovely and nice thing, it is hard and difficult as i already mentioned in paragraphs above.

So now let me share here with you my personal difficulties, and they are 2.

My first one is related to SEX.

Let me take you on voyage of who i was before i took on this task and this process and course that i am now in, because i have realized that we cannot continue the way we live with each other on this planet and also the way we live with the rest of the Kazillions of expressions that are HERE also expressing themselves as life.
Before i found desteni, i was very much a very horny person, someone who was very open when it comes to that particular endeavor. I was someone who was reading and watching all kinds of information regarding this subject in order for me to so-called get better in being sexual, because as i understood at the time, was that if you are not ''good'' in bed as they say, you would most likely not succeed in having a good, fruitful relationship, so i was learning by reading books about all kinds of SEX in this world and was watching PORNO to, to see if there was something that they are doing that i don't know off yet and i can then try it out when i am with a partner, but this trying out part does not happen with consistency so i found myself indulging into paying for the sex in 2 forms, either with girls who are materialistic(looking to be with guys/men who have money) or those who are just working as prostitutes, which to me at the time was not that much different and found out that the one's who are doing it as a job, are much more cleaner then the one's who are sleeping around with any other guy who comes around. In that particular stage of my life, i got even used to this addiction, because it becomes an addiction, then you suddenly find yourself dwelling only with people who are into this kind of life, this lifestyle so to speak. So now i have taken this on myself to STOP myself into going and participating in this lifestyle i use to have. I am now on my own, facing myself especially to STOP this addiction that i have with SEX.

My second difficulty is related to Anger.

I have been having these anger within me mostly towards myself and towards US humans in general,especially because i can see within myself how we are hiding and trying to NOT take our responsibilities towards ourselves and others as ourselves as life. We just keep on ignoring the fucked-upness that is here, that we create together. I just cannot understand how my species can be so stubborn to not see, and refuse to change, because they have some stupid believe they have to hold on to, that have not any validation nor importance in one's physical living requirements in this world. I know that i have to have endurance with this one, in order to let it go, i have to face this one, do more self-forgiveness to see where these self-forgiveness will lead me, because i can see that i have not reached the bottom, the nitty gritty of it yet. Whenever i see myself going into getting angry at what i see in this world i just breath and let it go, but i sometimes forget to do self-forgiveness on the thought or feeling right there in that particular moment. I will let you guys know more about my anger as i am going to dig deeper into it, to see where the source is that i haven't found yet.Understand that this is not an extreme anger or something in that particular field where i would want to hurt people in anyways whatsoever. It is just ''normal'' anger.

So as you can see, these two points are the two major points within my process which are making me run slow,making me stay behind so to speak in my own process. Now for you who is reading this and you want to engage in changing yourself, understand that you are going to go through some hard times letting go of, those things you now hold as dear or as having some value within your life, and maybe this writing can support and assist you in some way for you to see, that you are not alone and that others are also in some similar processes or something else that is holding them back, and all we need to do is to walk through it, in the moment it presents itself and stand as it to STOP it. You cannot magically wipe it out of your existence, because it is you, you have created yourself like this with your experiences in this world.

Now what i wrote here most people will not dare speak about with others, let alone share on the

But at the end of the day, it is about YOU, alone facing yourself, they cannot face you for you, only you can do that, and the only reason i am placing my difficulties here is for you to have a support, that is of course if you are ready to face yourself and change yourself, because you have had enough of yourself and of the way we live here together that MUST change.


Larry Manuela

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Thursday, 5 January 2012

Family affairs.

I have been talking to my family for a while now about what it is i am doing,in relation to my process of birthing myself in life.

I have two sisters, one older than me and another one younger, i am in the middle

My older sister went a while ago to live with my parents, to support and assist them now that they are growing older and are having some old-age issues.
My younger sister is here in this country having her own life with her husband and 2 children.
The older sister have one child who is right now in his teenage years.

Now i have noticed and for a while already, that every time i talk to them, they put aside so to speak what i have to say, because they see it as a point of believe, it is what i believe. Now understand that i have and i am still doing it, try to explain to them in all kinds of ways, what it is i am doing, i even wrote a whole blog for them, explaining how i am doing what i am doing, about the self-forgiveness and common-sense, corrective application,breathing, writing and self-honesty in my native language so they can know, and not only for them but also for these people on these islands who are speaking this language and that may have some difficulty understanding English. My older sister is the one, let's say who i am talking more about it with. Because she is the one that is now and then on MSN and when i call them, i talk to my mother also about it, and about what is going on in this world and how it is we cannot blame others, and that in order for things to change, we must let go from our ways we are living now, and live another way, a way where we do NOT abuse each other nor any other part of life.

My mother see this as being proud that i am doing this, but they don't want to take self-responsibility. Now i am not trying to push it in their faces, i am just trying to wake them up. And believe me, i know it is difficult, especially for the old people who have come to believe some believes they have, it is like they want to take that believe with/as them to the grave. These are the words my mother uses all the time, but she doesn't say it directly to me, she is telling me how she is saying this to religious people who come by the door and are trying to convince her to join their religion. And she is telling them:'' I am a Catholic and i am going to die one, no-one is going to come and try and change my believe, i believe just like you, that there is only one god so i don't see the reason why i should join your religion if we are all serving one god anyways..??''

In my mother's perspective, in her believe she is right about that one thing, i mean why compete if there was only one god, it's so stupid.
But when i say to my mother, just look at the world, can you honestly tell me that this god you believe in exists..?? And even to go as far as believing to,that this god is a benevolence god, a god of LOVE.
Because i know that my mother reads the Bible, i use some example out of the Bible to try and maybe there will be something that she will see within the words i use. And i keep on saying to my mother; 'mother, this is not a believe to me, it is common sense, i just look at what is here and apply myself in a best possible way, to change myself, because i have already realized, that for this world to change every individual MUST go through this change other wise we are not going to change and we are going to destroy each other, on all those things we disagree with each other about right now and ever. I explain to them that the group of people i am with and part of, is a group of individuals who have come together to stand for life, to be an example for those who are still waiting, who are still postponing, who are still looking for excuses for them NOT to change, they don't want to change. And i am telling her, all i can do for you mother now is showing you, through my own process how you to can change yourself, because if i can do it, so can everyone, and i even tell her that understand, that i am not alone, is not like, it is only me, all the members in our group are seeing and are going through their own particular changes and they are all dealing with their own particular challenges they have created in the past themselves.

Talking to my mother makes me worry sometimes, because i know they're growing older with each passing day, and it is like i am letting them down, the responsibility to support and assist them, and this point is so difficult, because of their point of resistance, which is: '' it is your believe''  when i have no believes at all. It is what they use as weapon to spite me. But they are spiting themselves within this mind delusion. I am telling my older sister to,that she must understand that i am not trying to convince them of anything or try to force them to do anything, all i am trying to do is to show them that only through self-forgiveness you can start changing yourself, but no matter what i say,they don't even bother try it. Within all this a little bit of sadness ensues in me sometimes, because when i talk about the things that do make allot of sense to them, using common sense they understand it completely, no problem, but when it comes to apply it, it becomes immediately a problem, they immediately have an excuse for them not to be self-responsible, they don't want to take their responsibility as participants in this world as many others. I see that my mother and father have already gave-up on life and are just there waiting for death to come to them and that will be it.

I explained to them that anyone who dies right now, will not exist anymore, will be just a presence of what used to be the personality in the mind, and a very very little of a presence, of what used to be the conglomeration of personalities, but a presence is not real, it's like a shadow of a light that was not even real. You will not exist anymore, that is why it is important to do your self-forgiveness and live your life that you have left in self-forgiveness and applying yourself. But this to as you already know they will see it of course as something i believe in, it is within my believe that when they die they are going to be none-existent. And how do i know this without having to experience it first hand, by just seeing how in one breath i can stop my mind and have no thoughts and no feelings and emotions, the personality is gone, but yet i am still HERE, and this is so now that i am in this body, but when there is no more body i will have a problem, because that which i believe i am and which is the personality that is of the mind as the mind, will not have a host, it will just STOP existing. Because it is within the body that the mind exists, and is very easy to see if you are focusing on your breath. Because if it was real, i would not be able to stop it of functioning. But when i do stop it my body continues like normal, like being here as the body, no problem and i can do the things i have to do without any problem. I can function within this world without the mind thinking for me, without it generating emotions and feelings. At the moment i am not consistent and constant in my focusing and being one and equal with my breath, all my breaths, so focus that i don't miss even ONE, that i will be just here as the body as the breath of life one and equal. I have seen for myself already and all the people in the group know this and have experienced this already, that it is a fact. That when one becomes one and equal with one's breath one in focusing on the breath as the breath,it stops the mind of running, it's like the mind can't function, and even when a thought or feeling or emotion do come up, you can see it coming and you can stop it, by saying: ''stop'' and by focusing on your breathing and forgiving yourself that you have accepted and allowed the thought/emotion/feeling.

I will not give-up on my family, i will continue bombarding them with common sense facts they can't deny, and maybe one day they can see and realize to, that in order for things to change in their lives and the lives of all humanity, each part of humanity must change and live this change, otherwise it is going to be only a few changing and will not affect and bring about real change that is best for all in this world.


Larry Manuela