30 and 31 of January.

Now these two days i cannot remember very well the specific thoughts i have had. But i do know that i have been in a lot of thinking and judging from my perspective regarding some people at my work.

There is this new girl at work and every man wants to be near her, just because she looks great, and she is a nice lady.
I was telling her, as we were working together that she must notice how all the man that are here are being nice and wanting to help you etc etc, but they just want your attention that is why they are all behaving like they do. Trying their best to be funny, while they are not funny at all.

I have also noticed that when some of the guys were talking about they not liking people who are quiet i reacted inside myself on this thing, and i also reacted on their comments, because, the truth is that i am quiet but not shy.And they think that i am shy to, but i am not and a reacted upon that,and especially when they brought the topic of quiet people being boring, i just wanted to comment on that but i did not because i already saw that it wasn't necessary any longer for me to react on that one, what i wanted to say was:'' that the world where we live in here is very boring, because we are doing the same boring things over and over again and again and don't even noticed when we are being such boring peoples.'' Everything we do is boring because we have done it already, especially those things that people consider to be entertaining. you all know; parties, holidays, free of work for a few days, going shopping, watching movies, go to church, all the sports and you name it, all of those things are boring, because all we already did them, only the scenario changes a little, but e.g. going to a party this weekend to have a good time, when you do it  all the weekends, it is still you just going to the parties all weekends, even though the parties that you may present yourself at could be different and the people attending also being different, but the main subject is: ''party.''

All these two days i have masturbated again, after trying not to do that for a while.
I need to be more focused on my breath during the times when i feel like i am ready to hold my dick in my hands again. to me this is my key point that i have to embrace and then transcend.


Now up for forgiveness.

1) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and judge some people at work.
2) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into my mind and see the girl at work from the perspective of my mind instead of seeing her here in breath.
3) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react upon the comments done in my direction  putting myself in a position where i thought i had to defend ,myself.
4) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not in the moment of saying what i needed to say, and let the moment pass without me saying what i needed to say.
5) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to masturbate again making myself time-loop again.



I am here i am in the moment as the moment as breath right here always.






Larry Manuela