what a day..!!

Today is a very fucked up day, because yesterday i hurt my back, my lower back to be exact.
Now i got to work today, but after a while i could not bare the pain any longer so i told them that i will be going home. I made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow, so tomorrow is the day i am going to see what will happen to me afterwards.

I am angry and sad at the same time.

Let me explain the anger that is within me.
I am angry because i was working doing already some shitty work that i would not really wanted to do, but HAD to do it anyways, because there is just no other work for me.
And because i am working at this factory via an agency that has an agreement with the factory, it means for me and others that we will never get a steady job there. It is always a job for when there is high season. When more clients are asking for more products.
And now or for a long time already, because i am also having trouble with my insurance company who are insisting on me that i didn't pay them the whole year of 2007 till now. when in 2007 i was in this country till oktober,in October i went to live on my island and stayed there till November 2009.  During all that time they didn't tell me nothing, i mean the time i was here in this country.
They are insisting on me to prove to them that i paid, and that is my problem that i have with them, because i know that i paid, but i was paying cash on the bank using something they call: ''acceptgiro'' over here.

What i told them was, that i also want them to tell me how it is possible that they did not contact me through all that time, especially when i was here in this country.Because insurance companies in those days if you didn't pay them for 3 months already, they will immediately stop your insurance. a/d you will have to get a other one and will have to pay them anyways afterwards. But you will not get away with it at all and sure not for a whole year as they are insisting that i didn't pay.
I told them that there could be two things:
* you guys are trying to get more money from those people who paid with ''acceptgiro'' because you are gambling on them, that just maybe they do not have the receits still on them, and if they don't you have the law on your side.
* you guys have someone commiting fraud in your company and is using the people who paid with ''acceptgiro'' as bates.

And i am still busy with these people,now i am going to have to write to a so-called commission that investigate these things. But the reason i didn't go to them first was because i know that all the insurance companies are the one's paying that commission, so if they are the one paying, my possiblity to win this case is almost zero.!! Because they are not going to go against the mouth that feeds them that easily.

So now that my back is fucked and i don't have a real steady job, it is temporary, and i have allot of financial shit happening at the same time, soon all this is going to get worse.
I am not affraid because i know that these things are things i created myself in the past and allot are also shit we created together in the past that we just have to go through mo matter what.

So here i am sitting with a fucked up back, and also with things to pay, that are going to start multiplying if i don't get better any day soon.


Self-forgivness statements:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry and sad because i hurt my back at work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself in a situation where i put myself down.


Selfr-corrective statements:

I realize that angriness and sadness are still in me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of sadness and angriness, but instead have given them power to exist within me, making me believe/think that i am powerless.

I forgive myself for not accpeting and allowing myself to stand up within myself in situations where put myself down, instead of taking my self- responsibility and stand up within my own turmoils.


my self corrective applications regarding these points are:

I walk as me in self-responsiblity, and self-trust, and take self directive principle of my actions and none actions and in so doing impower myself to stand and walk my own process and to live self honesty within the confines of what is best for all.

I walk my process and face my own self created consequences, and take my self-responsiblity to stand up within my own turmoils.






Thanks.





Larry Manuela