Now with the turning of the past year into this year i had my son here at my place with me, i went to pick him up by the mother, my daughter didn't want to come, she find that here where i am, because i am alone and no other kids to play with and all that stuff, makes the whole thing boring for her, so she didn't want to come and the mother was trying to force her to come, but i told the mother, to let it be, if she doesn't want to come, it doesn't matter, it is not an obligation you know,she doesn't want to come no problem.
So now i was here with my son and interesting event took place.
I was chatting with a friend of mine on MSN and i had my webcam on and we were chatting and my son is right now learning how to write and how to read and spell, so he is very interested in doing all those things that are involving those particular disciplines. we were chatting and was telling this friend of mine, that his teeth are all like twisted in his mouth right now, and that he is going to have to go to the dentist soon with the mother to see what the dentist can do for him, because he went already, and the dentist said that the new teeth that are coming out are not coming out right and are pushing behind the one's that have to fall out, and because of that all his front teeth are like twisted and stuff like that, and i was telling my friend and he is sitting next to me and watching me and my friend talk about this and i was telling my friend: '' yes and i don't know what the dentist is going to do with this little fellow here.'' And as i was telling this to my friend i was laughing, but not laughing as in the sense of teasing him or making fun of him, but just laughing so he may not be feeling ''bad'' about the whole thing, thinking/believing that in that manner will not ''hurt his feelings'' when we talk about his teeth.
So now guess what happened...??
That was exactly what happened, he got angry and started to cry but more in a screaming way and jumping up and down and throw things on the ground and stuff like that, and try to brake a little toy motor-bike the aunt gave him, and i just looked at him and i continued chatting with my friend and she could hear all this, and she was telling me, wtf: '' are you not going to do anything about that, because he seem like a little spoiled brad.'' So i told my friend: '' not yet, i am going to let him play out his little show here and when he is done i going to have a serious conversation with him, i am going to talk to him like he is not accustom to.''
So i left him in his possession for a while and after he was done and he noticed that i was not paying any attention to his play out, i went and sat next to him and in that moment i placed myself in his shoes and i talked to him as my equal, not as a father talking to a son, but two human beings having a serious conversation about in this case the behavior he was showing.
So i looked into his eyes and i start to ask him questions. I asked him: '' why are you behaving like this, and i need you to look at me in my eyes and talk to me..?? Do you think i found what you were doing funny, or did it seem like i was enjoying it...?? And he was looking at me, and every time i get serious with him he will cry, it's a form of trying to manipulate, but i told him, do not cry, because there is nothing to cry about and also nothing to fear, i am not going to scream or get angry at you or anything i am just addressing your behavior of just now, seriously with you so in order for me to understand you and then we can walk through this whole thing together to see why it is you behaved like that. I asked him then: '' why did you do that..?? He answered: '' yes because you and your friend were making fun of my teeth, and i don't like it because at school other kids are making fun of me to and when i tell my peers at school, they don't do anything, and when i tell my mother she tells me to hit them, but when i hit them i am the one that get punished instead, so i can't keep on doing that either. Now for a 6 years old to see all that,i find it fascinating.
So now i have found within him the reason of him being angry, because he is relating his past experience of being bullied at school and other kids making fun of him in relation to his teeth, that are all twisted in his mouth, to me and my friend talking about it and just because we are laughing makes him believe/think that we are teasing or making fun of him.
And he was telling me that he has no friends really at school, just some kids he plays with. And then i told him. Now listen to me. Next time when you get into fights or other kids teasing you, you just walk away and you go to one of your peers and you tell them directly what is going on, and you just be insistent and serious about it, just like i am being serious about the whole thing with you right now. And if that doesn't work, when you have to play and stuff like that, you do something or play something that involves you playing alone, and i told him you just let those other kids be, don't go into fights and stuff like that, you just stand your ground, and you make sure to, to make it clear to your peers at school, that you are not going to play with those kids that are bullying you and make fun of you, and when all those things happen, i want you to remember one thing that is very important, to be one and equal with your breath, don't be emotional and stuff, just stay here with your breath and you will see, you will be fine and stable. I also told him, that it is difficult for you, because you as a child always want to enjoy yourself playing, is a great activity for you, and not playing with some other kids especially when you like type of activities or games that involve more then one individual, because his favorite activity right now is: ''soccer'' And soccer is not that fun if you are alone doing it. And if they are making fun of you while playing you remember to stick to your breathing in.........out....................in ......................out........don't resist the making fun scenario that is busy going on outside of you and see what happens, maybe they will STOP doing it or maybe not, but it won't affect you emotionally though. And after that i asked him if he grasped it, he said yes.
And i told him after the conversation; ' you see, how we can communicate with each other without no-one being angry or screaming and do all those none-senses, and reach a point of mutual understanding..? ' He said yes. The reason why i said that to him, is because i know that the mother at home have no patience with them, and this is the one point that i let say regret leaving them behind with the mother, because she is always screaming at them and shit like that, so they are very obedient because of fear, and my son is obedient but he has got a temper to. He is very fast in showing aggressive tendencies. And i am always talking to the mother about these things, to not do that, that she must stop doing that kind of shit, because she is bringing them up using fear and in fear they will become later on in life, products of fear that you created. And this whole thing is bothering me, because of my financial situation within this world, i am not in a ''secure'' financial situation where i can say to the mother, you know something just leave them with me and i will take care of them myself. In my situation right now i can barely survive, i have a job but it is not a steady job it is not something i can count on, and i am living in a studio, not a proper living situation to be in with two kids and especially in this country where they can take away your kids for shit like that, and i am also on top of all that shit, working shifts, so how the heck am i going to take care of them when i have to work at different times all the time, and have not enough money to pay for day care and all those wonderful stuff they have over here, but yet, not really very practical for every individual. So taking them with me, is making their lives a more living hell. Me alone i am ready for every shit that comes to me, but being with them and making them go through some shit that i can go through much more easily, but they can't i find even more abusive. With the mother, she has a sister there and the mother is in the social benefit program they have over here in this country,so she is always home and when she has something to do, she can ask the sister to look after them for a while or the sister can help her with them, but with me, it is ALL me alone, no-one to help, i do have my sister here where i live,in this town but she has her own children and she is working herself to, so that whole thing won't work for me in my situation as it works for the mother in her situation. All this shit is due to the stupid monetary system we have in place, where we cannot even take care of our children properly, because without money in this system you are literally fucked on all levels. It makes it very, very hard, and you even get punished to in some circumstances involving kids and their living conditions in this country for example when it is not your fault, but the fault from a stupid monetary system. The punishment being the excuse that you are not in a condition financially to take care of your children so we are going to take them away from you and give them to some strangers to somewhere to take care of them, while you are busy working out your problems with money and house and all the shit that can take years and years....
So the whole ''moral'' of this story is, that a child does understand you when you talk to them using common sense and talk to them as your equal instead of talking to them from the starting point of being the authority in the house, just because you are the all so famous '' parent''
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
Monday 23 January 2012
Saturday 21 January 2012
How was I able to HEAR the desteni message..??
Let me start by going back to explain a little about what i was doing before i came across the desteni people sharing their message.
As long as i can remember since i was a little boy,i saw in life that something is wrong, but of course you don't have the vocabulary to ask the right questions to yourself. So i was quiet within myself always watching and observing and tried to figure out why the things are the way they are, why does it have to be so...?? That was the main question i was asking myself a lot,when i was a kid and even in my teenage years, even though if you knew me back then it would not be noticeable. I was a quiet person, but not so much because i am afraid of people, but more because i saw that i have things or questions within that when i looked at the people's lives, it didn't look like those questions that i had, they might be having those questions, because all their conversations were about things that were considered ''normal'' in life. And the questions i had within me were not what would be considered as ''normal.'' So my whole life was more like me being an observer/keep it to myself.
When i got into the junior high, and started to learn about more things that i didn't knew before, i also saw something else, that it was boring, because it was like, and it is like this up to this day. You are been given something to learn and it is written in the form of facts, and all you need to do is copy it in your head and the better you are in copying, the better student you will be, because you can memorize things very good. But i had problem with the whole thing, i didn't like it, seem to easy. But one more time, i didn't have at the time the right questions due to my poor vocabulary so i can ask myself and my peers critical questions, regarding the materials we are being given at school to learn, or anything for that matter, that matters in life.
My real quest started when i got to Holland to study, here is where i started to read at first i read the bible, but there was more contradiction in it, so i continue reading a lot of stuff, i was like a sponge sucking every information i could, from mysteries and the esoteric, the sciences that dealt in matters that were trying to explain why we are here and stuff like that. But eventually i got to a website once that is called: ''the Wingmakers''. And i read and read a lot of that material and it was intriguing, but it seem to difficult to do, it is as if you have to be a scientist and a very learned person in symbolism and signs and stuff like that to really understand it all. But in all that it was the first time that i heard or in this case read, that: ''Anu, had something greater in mind, and that was that he wanted to control that which was greater then him.''
Now i have heard from Anu before, because of the esoteric materials i was reading and the history of the Sumerians where their is mentioned the Annunaki race. And i also heard/read of him in other channeling materials that were being given here on this planet specifically from Ramtha. But Ramtha didn't say, that he wanted to control that which was greater and more then him. And that was the ONE thing that i kept within me, that somehow was like a great realization, something that i needed to hear, like this will lead me to somewhere, to some real answer. And it was just that one sentence, it was not like the writer of the wingmakers material went into a whole explanation of why it is and all that, that Anu wanted to control that which was greater then him.
So one evening i was watching videos on youtube that i normally do all the time, and i saw a girl, now i know that the girl's name is Sunette, and i just saw the name in the heading ANU...............so i immediately said to myself: '' let me watch this one, to see what she has to say about this Anu. And i saw her in the video breathe in and breathe out and out she went from her body, which to me was nothing unusual or strange or whatever, one more time, because i was already coming from the esoteric and channeling materials and those kind of stuff seem all familiar, it is not the first time. And it was this: desteni video
I watched that video over and over again and sometimes i still do, it was the greatest message of what i considered to be of something that i needed to know, when i saw that video. And since that day onward i read and saw all the videos that desteni had placed on the web and i have even joined them in spreading this message of oneness and equality, because i realize that this is truly, and this what i am about to say is NOT a believe, that this is our only way out of our own creation...!!!
Now one can say, that i was fortunate to have ventured on the load of information in this world which made it easy for me to understand their message and see the common sense in it, but it was not the information or the knowledge i had, it was my ability to question the things i have read in my life, that really made me understand their message, because of everything i have ever read or saw in my life, i was always questioning them, from people to things. Let me just say, to me questioning itself was like the answer, because when you question something, you will see the question itself is the answer, because the question is what is missing. Can you grasp this..??
Let me give you an example of how i do that.
Question: '' why are we HERE..???..'' To you maybe this is just a question that a lot of people on this planet is asking or have been asking throughout history and they are looking for an answer. To me it is not about the answer, i look at the question itself, and when i look at that it is the answer to myself telling myself what I am ,missing and i am forming that as the above mentioned question, so it means to me, that I am missing the reason why i am HERE, so why am i here as the question to myself is what i am missing and is then what i am not living. To you this maybe very difficult to understand, but if you look at it in common sense you will see, that what i mean is this: '' when we live something for real, it is and become part of and as you, it is who you are, so you cannot, NOT be knowing who and what and why or where you are..'' These are all realizations for us to see that we are NOT really living as life as we may believe we are in fact. Because in factual living, in always being HERE, there is no question, you are expressing yourself as all that you are right HERE. As long as we have questions it means we are not living the very questions we are having concerning LIFE..!!
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
Want to join us, do it here: desteni universe
Want to become a real practical caring human being but don't know how..? Here is where you can get to know how to: desteni I process
We even have THE solution for all the worlds problems here: Equal Money
As long as i can remember since i was a little boy,i saw in life that something is wrong, but of course you don't have the vocabulary to ask the right questions to yourself. So i was quiet within myself always watching and observing and tried to figure out why the things are the way they are, why does it have to be so...?? That was the main question i was asking myself a lot,when i was a kid and even in my teenage years, even though if you knew me back then it would not be noticeable. I was a quiet person, but not so much because i am afraid of people, but more because i saw that i have things or questions within that when i looked at the people's lives, it didn't look like those questions that i had, they might be having those questions, because all their conversations were about things that were considered ''normal'' in life. And the questions i had within me were not what would be considered as ''normal.'' So my whole life was more like me being an observer/keep it to myself.
When i got into the junior high, and started to learn about more things that i didn't knew before, i also saw something else, that it was boring, because it was like, and it is like this up to this day. You are been given something to learn and it is written in the form of facts, and all you need to do is copy it in your head and the better you are in copying, the better student you will be, because you can memorize things very good. But i had problem with the whole thing, i didn't like it, seem to easy. But one more time, i didn't have at the time the right questions due to my poor vocabulary so i can ask myself and my peers critical questions, regarding the materials we are being given at school to learn, or anything for that matter, that matters in life.
My real quest started when i got to Holland to study, here is where i started to read at first i read the bible, but there was more contradiction in it, so i continue reading a lot of stuff, i was like a sponge sucking every information i could, from mysteries and the esoteric, the sciences that dealt in matters that were trying to explain why we are here and stuff like that. But eventually i got to a website once that is called: ''the Wingmakers''. And i read and read a lot of that material and it was intriguing, but it seem to difficult to do, it is as if you have to be a scientist and a very learned person in symbolism and signs and stuff like that to really understand it all. But in all that it was the first time that i heard or in this case read, that: ''Anu, had something greater in mind, and that was that he wanted to control that which was greater then him.''
Now i have heard from Anu before, because of the esoteric materials i was reading and the history of the Sumerians where their is mentioned the Annunaki race. And i also heard/read of him in other channeling materials that were being given here on this planet specifically from Ramtha. But Ramtha didn't say, that he wanted to control that which was greater and more then him. And that was the ONE thing that i kept within me, that somehow was like a great realization, something that i needed to hear, like this will lead me to somewhere, to some real answer. And it was just that one sentence, it was not like the writer of the wingmakers material went into a whole explanation of why it is and all that, that Anu wanted to control that which was greater then him.
So one evening i was watching videos on youtube that i normally do all the time, and i saw a girl, now i know that the girl's name is Sunette, and i just saw the name in the heading ANU...............so i immediately said to myself: '' let me watch this one, to see what she has to say about this Anu. And i saw her in the video breathe in and breathe out and out she went from her body, which to me was nothing unusual or strange or whatever, one more time, because i was already coming from the esoteric and channeling materials and those kind of stuff seem all familiar, it is not the first time. And it was this: desteni video
I watched that video over and over again and sometimes i still do, it was the greatest message of what i considered to be of something that i needed to know, when i saw that video. And since that day onward i read and saw all the videos that desteni had placed on the web and i have even joined them in spreading this message of oneness and equality, because i realize that this is truly, and this what i am about to say is NOT a believe, that this is our only way out of our own creation...!!!
Now one can say, that i was fortunate to have ventured on the load of information in this world which made it easy for me to understand their message and see the common sense in it, but it was not the information or the knowledge i had, it was my ability to question the things i have read in my life, that really made me understand their message, because of everything i have ever read or saw in my life, i was always questioning them, from people to things. Let me just say, to me questioning itself was like the answer, because when you question something, you will see the question itself is the answer, because the question is what is missing. Can you grasp this..??
Let me give you an example of how i do that.
Question: '' why are we HERE..???..'' To you maybe this is just a question that a lot of people on this planet is asking or have been asking throughout history and they are looking for an answer. To me it is not about the answer, i look at the question itself, and when i look at that it is the answer to myself telling myself what I am ,missing and i am forming that as the above mentioned question, so it means to me, that I am missing the reason why i am HERE, so why am i here as the question to myself is what i am missing and is then what i am not living. To you this maybe very difficult to understand, but if you look at it in common sense you will see, that what i mean is this: '' when we live something for real, it is and become part of and as you, it is who you are, so you cannot, NOT be knowing who and what and why or where you are..'' These are all realizations for us to see that we are NOT really living as life as we may believe we are in fact. Because in factual living, in always being HERE, there is no question, you are expressing yourself as all that you are right HERE. As long as we have questions it means we are not living the very questions we are having concerning LIFE..!!
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
Want to join us, do it here: desteni universe
Want to become a real practical caring human being but don't know how..? Here is where you can get to know how to: desteni I process
We even have THE solution for all the worlds problems here: Equal Money
Sunday 8 January 2012
New Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow the systems within me as me, as part of me as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind as my mind is part of me as me as self.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to see and understand the systems within me as systems that need to be removed, instead of standing equal and one with them as me, as all being part as me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself that i can get rid of the systems within me and then become life as self, when the systems within me are also me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to treat the systems within me as not part of me, but as parts of me that needs to be removed,because they are just systems and not life.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to be blind and not see and understand that in oneness and equality that ALL is me,is part of SELF.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to see and understand that even the systems within me are all me, and that all that i create is always me, no matter what it is, and how big or how small it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand one and equal to the systems within me as me,as self.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the systems of my own creation within as separate from me and not as parts of me as me as self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not embrace all that is me as the systems that are also me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to separate myself to all that is part of me as me.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see the systems as a BEING as part of me, instead treated and wanting to delete them as systems and in so doing deleting parts of me that are me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my emotions as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my feelings as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace mind as a being within and as myself, as part of me as self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in self-interest and leave parts of me as me that i saw as systems and not as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself that i didn't see that i was not applying my equality equation effectively to suit what is best for all.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself within my separation to the systems within me and in this way create friction/conflict with parts of me as me as systems as beings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the systems within me as only systems and not as BEINGS.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to see my mind consciousness system as just a system and not as a being as part of self as part of me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to NOT understand Marduk clearly when he was talking about the systems that he created to be him, and that he could understand himself better through the systems and symbols he created that were part of him as him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not bring all the parts of me as the mind consciousness system as me as life HERE and become one equal to all that is me as all that is me that i have created as me.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to take myself responsibility to stand as one as equal to all that is me as me, and embrace and become real individual as all the parts within the individual parts that form the specific individuality as any given expression, which is on and in itself are all parts of a totality, a wholeness, oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my negligence parts of me as mind consciousness systems and see it as a part of me that i am more then it, when in reality in oneness and equality it is all me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself that to not take my responsibilities to stand as one and equal to ALL that is part of me as me, and in so doing manifested a total mess, because i am not one and equal with all the parts of me as me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to become a being in disagreement with all the parts that form everything that is me.
I walk as one as equal from now on as ALL that i am equal and one to all that i am, to all the parts that i am, as EGO, Emotions, Feelings, mind consciousness system,thoughts all as beings within as me as all parts of and as SELF.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind as my mind is part of me as me as self.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to see and understand the systems within me as systems that need to be removed, instead of standing equal and one with them as me, as all being part as me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself that i can get rid of the systems within me and then become life as self, when the systems within me are also me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to treat the systems within me as not part of me, but as parts of me that needs to be removed,because they are just systems and not life.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to be blind and not see and understand that in oneness and equality that ALL is me,is part of SELF.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to see and understand that even the systems within me are all me, and that all that i create is always me, no matter what it is, and how big or how small it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand one and equal to the systems within me as me,as self.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the systems of my own creation within as separate from me and not as parts of me as me as self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not embrace all that is me as the systems that are also me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to separate myself to all that is part of me as me.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see the systems as a BEING as part of me, instead treated and wanting to delete them as systems and in so doing deleting parts of me that are me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my emotions as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my feelings as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace mind as a being within and as myself, as part of me as self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in self-interest and leave parts of me as me that i saw as systems and not as beings as part of me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself that i didn't see that i was not applying my equality equation effectively to suit what is best for all.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself within my separation to the systems within me and in this way create friction/conflict with parts of me as me as systems as beings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the systems within me as only systems and not as BEINGS.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to see my mind consciousness system as just a system and not as a being as part of self as part of me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to NOT understand Marduk clearly when he was talking about the systems that he created to be him, and that he could understand himself better through the systems and symbols he created that were part of him as him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not bring all the parts of me as the mind consciousness system as me as life HERE and become one equal to all that is me as all that is me that i have created as me.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to take myself responsibility to stand as one as equal to all that is me as me, and embrace and become real individual as all the parts within the individual parts that form the specific individuality as any given expression, which is on and in itself are all parts of a totality, a wholeness, oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my negligence parts of me as mind consciousness systems and see it as a part of me that i am more then it, when in reality in oneness and equality it is all me as me as self.
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself that to not take my responsibilities to stand as one and equal to ALL that is part of me as me, and in so doing manifested a total mess, because i am not one and equal with all the parts of me as me.
I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to become a being in disagreement with all the parts that form everything that is me.
I walk as one as equal from now on as ALL that i am equal and one to all that i am, to all the parts that i am, as EGO, Emotions, Feelings, mind consciousness system,thoughts all as beings within as me as all parts of and as SELF.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
Saturday 7 January 2012
Understanding more of myself.
Now within this blog i am writing down what i have been doing and also what i have
NOT been doing, which is also of importance in the times to come to support and assist others as me as i am being supported and assisted through all the blogs and vlogs of our members talking and writing their own particular realizations and difficulties facing themselves, which is a very hard thing to do,especially in the initial stages of the process as any Destonian will tell you, because it is about: '' letting go of'' all that is within you, that you have come to accept and allow to be and become part of you as you in this world.
Most of my time i spent it on reading and watching the Desteni videos and watching/reading the other members their videos or writings and try to support and assist them as much as possible as i can, because i know from personal experience that this process of birthing ourselves into life, the physical is not going to be something i can do all by myself, it is a group effort, a group support and assistance occurrence. And from the frailties and growing of others we get the strength for ourselves to push and walk our own individual processes, which on that level, thus the actual walking is for the individual him/herself to do, no-one can do your walking for you, the others can only support and assist you, there where you are falling or where you do not see with clarity yet, what it is that is within you that is a veil before you.
Now within the breathing application i am becoming more aware of my breathing, because i am paying attention to it and i find myself sometimes getting out of this attention, but the fascinating thing about it is, that even when you do get out of focus and attention you catch yourself into let's say: ''cheating'' on yourself for not paying attention to your own breathing, and you can immediately see within this how you jump into thoughts and feelings and emotions, so you immediately ground yourself back to reality by/through your breath, the only thing you can truly trust and is very intimate indeed.
Before i go to bed i do some self-forgiveness statements out loud, and i have been doing this more lately, and i do feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders as i engage into this, it is very supportive, and i enroll and embrace myself under the blanket and let the thoughts come up within me and i do my self-forgiveness on them, and within this is look for where one thought will lead me into another thought-construction and i continue with this, and more lately i have seen some more changes especially in my participation in the group and i also see that i have NOT been constant and consistent within my writings as it should be. I do place my writings at the end of the month, but to myself i can see that it is not enough, not that i am being hard on myself or anything, it's just that in writing one is teaching your physical to learn more about communicating and the more you write, the more effective you will become when you are speaking/voicing/communicating. When it comes to making V-logs i don't do that, that much, simply because of this fact to, i want to be more effective before i can V-log, but as i have realized on the chats we had tonight that it is important to do so anyways, because as you grow and become more effective in your communication in your videos, people will see the changes and can also see, how you have developed yourself from a beginning and how you are doing now, how you have changed. So this is imperative that we do so, that i do so. So when new people come in they can see the way we have evolved and how effective we have become in voicing ourselves and in bringing the Desteni message to the world as ourselves as we walk the message in our everyday lives, in whatever part of the world we may be, and in whatever circumstances we may find ourselves, and the more we grow in our expansion and in our becoming more and more as a one group standing in one principle, and walking and bringing about the changes necessary so we can start on the world level, but first on our own level, individual levels, as we walk our talks, and spread the message of oneness and equality, that which is best for all. In this walking we face ourselves, it is not a beautiful and lovely and nice thing, it is hard and difficult as i already mentioned in paragraphs above.
So now let me share here with you my personal difficulties, and they are 2.
My first one is related to SEX.
Let me take you on voyage of who i was before i took on this task and this process and course that i am now in, because i have realized that we cannot continue the way we live with each other on this planet and also the way we live with the rest of the Kazillions of expressions that are HERE also expressing themselves as life.
Before i found desteni, i was very much a very horny person, someone who was very open when it comes to that particular endeavor. I was someone who was reading and watching all kinds of information regarding this subject in order for me to so-called get better in being sexual, because as i understood at the time, was that if you are not ''good'' in bed as they say, you would most likely not succeed in having a good, fruitful relationship, so i was learning by reading books about all kinds of SEX in this world and was watching PORNO to, to see if there was something that they are doing that i don't know off yet and i can then try it out when i am with a partner, but this trying out part does not happen with consistency so i found myself indulging into paying for the sex in 2 forms, either with girls who are materialistic(looking to be with guys/men who have money) or those who are just working as prostitutes, which to me at the time was not that much different and found out that the one's who are doing it as a job, are much more cleaner then the one's who are sleeping around with any other guy who comes around. In that particular stage of my life, i got even used to this addiction, because it becomes an addiction, then you suddenly find yourself dwelling only with people who are into this kind of life, this lifestyle so to speak. So now i have taken this on myself to STOP myself into going and participating in this lifestyle i use to have. I am now on my own, facing myself especially to STOP this addiction that i have with SEX.
My second difficulty is related to Anger.
I have been having these anger within me mostly towards myself and towards US humans in general,especially because i can see within myself how we are hiding and trying to NOT take our responsibilities towards ourselves and others as ourselves as life. We just keep on ignoring the fucked-upness that is here, that we create together. I just cannot understand how my species can be so stubborn to not see, and refuse to change, because they have some stupid believe they have to hold on to, that have not any validation nor importance in one's physical living requirements in this world. I know that i have to have endurance with this one, in order to let it go, i have to face this one, do more self-forgiveness to see where these self-forgiveness will lead me, because i can see that i have not reached the bottom, the nitty gritty of it yet. Whenever i see myself going into getting angry at what i see in this world i just breath and let it go, but i sometimes forget to do self-forgiveness on the thought or feeling right there in that particular moment. I will let you guys know more about my anger as i am going to dig deeper into it, to see where the source is that i haven't found yet.Understand that this is not an extreme anger or something in that particular field where i would want to hurt people in anyways whatsoever. It is just ''normal'' anger.
So as you can see, these two points are the two major points within my process which are making me run slow,making me stay behind so to speak in my own process. Now for you who is reading this and you want to engage in changing yourself, understand that you are going to go through some hard times letting go of, those things you now hold as dear or as having some value within your life, and maybe this writing can support and assist you in some way for you to see, that you are not alone and that others are also in some similar processes or something else that is holding them back, and all we need to do is to walk through it, in the moment it presents itself and stand as it to STOP it. You cannot magically wipe it out of your existence, because it is you, you have created yourself like this with your experiences in this world.
Now what i wrote here most people will not dare speak about with others, let alone share on the web......lol
But at the end of the day, it is about YOU, alone facing yourself, they cannot face you for you, only you can do that, and the only reason i am placing my difficulties here is for you to have a support, that is of course if you are ready to face yourself and change yourself, because you have had enough of yourself and of the way we live here together that MUST change.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
Join us at: Desteni, Equal money, I process
Want to support us, and learn more of what is really going on in this world and in you, do it here: EQAFE
NOT been doing, which is also of importance in the times to come to support and assist others as me as i am being supported and assisted through all the blogs and vlogs of our members talking and writing their own particular realizations and difficulties facing themselves, which is a very hard thing to do,especially in the initial stages of the process as any Destonian will tell you, because it is about: '' letting go of'' all that is within you, that you have come to accept and allow to be and become part of you as you in this world.
Most of my time i spent it on reading and watching the Desteni videos and watching/reading the other members their videos or writings and try to support and assist them as much as possible as i can, because i know from personal experience that this process of birthing ourselves into life, the physical is not going to be something i can do all by myself, it is a group effort, a group support and assistance occurrence. And from the frailties and growing of others we get the strength for ourselves to push and walk our own individual processes, which on that level, thus the actual walking is for the individual him/herself to do, no-one can do your walking for you, the others can only support and assist you, there where you are falling or where you do not see with clarity yet, what it is that is within you that is a veil before you.
Now within the breathing application i am becoming more aware of my breathing, because i am paying attention to it and i find myself sometimes getting out of this attention, but the fascinating thing about it is, that even when you do get out of focus and attention you catch yourself into let's say: ''cheating'' on yourself for not paying attention to your own breathing, and you can immediately see within this how you jump into thoughts and feelings and emotions, so you immediately ground yourself back to reality by/through your breath, the only thing you can truly trust and is very intimate indeed.
Before i go to bed i do some self-forgiveness statements out loud, and i have been doing this more lately, and i do feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders as i engage into this, it is very supportive, and i enroll and embrace myself under the blanket and let the thoughts come up within me and i do my self-forgiveness on them, and within this is look for where one thought will lead me into another thought-construction and i continue with this, and more lately i have seen some more changes especially in my participation in the group and i also see that i have NOT been constant and consistent within my writings as it should be. I do place my writings at the end of the month, but to myself i can see that it is not enough, not that i am being hard on myself or anything, it's just that in writing one is teaching your physical to learn more about communicating and the more you write, the more effective you will become when you are speaking/voicing/communicating. When it comes to making V-logs i don't do that, that much, simply because of this fact to, i want to be more effective before i can V-log, but as i have realized on the chats we had tonight that it is important to do so anyways, because as you grow and become more effective in your communication in your videos, people will see the changes and can also see, how you have developed yourself from a beginning and how you are doing now, how you have changed. So this is imperative that we do so, that i do so. So when new people come in they can see the way we have evolved and how effective we have become in voicing ourselves and in bringing the Desteni message to the world as ourselves as we walk the message in our everyday lives, in whatever part of the world we may be, and in whatever circumstances we may find ourselves, and the more we grow in our expansion and in our becoming more and more as a one group standing in one principle, and walking and bringing about the changes necessary so we can start on the world level, but first on our own level, individual levels, as we walk our talks, and spread the message of oneness and equality, that which is best for all. In this walking we face ourselves, it is not a beautiful and lovely and nice thing, it is hard and difficult as i already mentioned in paragraphs above.
So now let me share here with you my personal difficulties, and they are 2.
My first one is related to SEX.
Let me take you on voyage of who i was before i took on this task and this process and course that i am now in, because i have realized that we cannot continue the way we live with each other on this planet and also the way we live with the rest of the Kazillions of expressions that are HERE also expressing themselves as life.
Before i found desteni, i was very much a very horny person, someone who was very open when it comes to that particular endeavor. I was someone who was reading and watching all kinds of information regarding this subject in order for me to so-called get better in being sexual, because as i understood at the time, was that if you are not ''good'' in bed as they say, you would most likely not succeed in having a good, fruitful relationship, so i was learning by reading books about all kinds of SEX in this world and was watching PORNO to, to see if there was something that they are doing that i don't know off yet and i can then try it out when i am with a partner, but this trying out part does not happen with consistency so i found myself indulging into paying for the sex in 2 forms, either with girls who are materialistic(looking to be with guys/men who have money) or those who are just working as prostitutes, which to me at the time was not that much different and found out that the one's who are doing it as a job, are much more cleaner then the one's who are sleeping around with any other guy who comes around. In that particular stage of my life, i got even used to this addiction, because it becomes an addiction, then you suddenly find yourself dwelling only with people who are into this kind of life, this lifestyle so to speak. So now i have taken this on myself to STOP myself into going and participating in this lifestyle i use to have. I am now on my own, facing myself especially to STOP this addiction that i have with SEX.
My second difficulty is related to Anger.
I have been having these anger within me mostly towards myself and towards US humans in general,especially because i can see within myself how we are hiding and trying to NOT take our responsibilities towards ourselves and others as ourselves as life. We just keep on ignoring the fucked-upness that is here, that we create together. I just cannot understand how my species can be so stubborn to not see, and refuse to change, because they have some stupid believe they have to hold on to, that have not any validation nor importance in one's physical living requirements in this world. I know that i have to have endurance with this one, in order to let it go, i have to face this one, do more self-forgiveness to see where these self-forgiveness will lead me, because i can see that i have not reached the bottom, the nitty gritty of it yet. Whenever i see myself going into getting angry at what i see in this world i just breath and let it go, but i sometimes forget to do self-forgiveness on the thought or feeling right there in that particular moment. I will let you guys know more about my anger as i am going to dig deeper into it, to see where the source is that i haven't found yet.Understand that this is not an extreme anger or something in that particular field where i would want to hurt people in anyways whatsoever. It is just ''normal'' anger.
So as you can see, these two points are the two major points within my process which are making me run slow,making me stay behind so to speak in my own process. Now for you who is reading this and you want to engage in changing yourself, understand that you are going to go through some hard times letting go of, those things you now hold as dear or as having some value within your life, and maybe this writing can support and assist you in some way for you to see, that you are not alone and that others are also in some similar processes or something else that is holding them back, and all we need to do is to walk through it, in the moment it presents itself and stand as it to STOP it. You cannot magically wipe it out of your existence, because it is you, you have created yourself like this with your experiences in this world.
Now what i wrote here most people will not dare speak about with others, let alone share on the web......lol
But at the end of the day, it is about YOU, alone facing yourself, they cannot face you for you, only you can do that, and the only reason i am placing my difficulties here is for you to have a support, that is of course if you are ready to face yourself and change yourself, because you have had enough of yourself and of the way we live here together that MUST change.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
Join us at: Desteni, Equal money, I process
Want to support us, and learn more of what is really going on in this world and in you, do it here: EQAFE
Thursday 5 January 2012
Family affairs.
I have been talking to my family for a while now about what it is i am doing,in relation to my process of birthing myself in life.
I have two sisters, one older than me and another one younger, i am in the middle ....lol
My older sister went a while ago to live with my parents, to support and assist them now that they are growing older and are having some old-age issues.
My younger sister is here in this country having her own life with her husband and 2 children.
The older sister have one child who is right now in his teenage years.
Now i have noticed and for a while already, that every time i talk to them, they put aside so to speak what i have to say, because they see it as a point of believe, it is what i believe. Now understand that i have and i am still doing it, try to explain to them in all kinds of ways, what it is i am doing, i even wrote a whole blog for them, explaining how i am doing what i am doing, about the self-forgiveness and common-sense, corrective application,breathing, writing and self-honesty in my native language so they can know, and not only for them but also for these people on these islands who are speaking this language and that may have some difficulty understanding English. My older sister is the one, let's say who i am talking more about it with. Because she is the one that is now and then on MSN and when i call them, i talk to my mother also about it, and about what is going on in this world and how it is we cannot blame others, and that in order for things to change, we must let go from our ways we are living now, and live another way, a way where we do NOT abuse each other nor any other part of life.
My mother see this as being proud that i am doing this, but they don't want to take self-responsibility. Now i am not trying to push it in their faces, i am just trying to wake them up. And believe me, i know it is difficult, especially for the old people who have come to believe some believes they have, it is like they want to take that believe with/as them to the grave. These are the words my mother uses all the time, but she doesn't say it directly to me, she is telling me how she is saying this to religious people who come by the door and are trying to convince her to join their religion. And she is telling them:'' I am a Catholic and i am going to die one, no-one is going to come and try and change my believe, i believe just like you, that there is only one god so i don't see the reason why i should join your religion if we are all serving one god anyways..??''
In my mother's perspective, in her believe she is right about that one thing, i mean why compete if there was only one god, it's so stupid.
But when i say to my mother, just look at the world, can you honestly tell me that this god you believe in exists..?? And even to go as far as believing to,that this god is a benevolence god, a god of LOVE.
Because i know that my mother reads the Bible, i use some example out of the Bible to try and maybe there will be something that she will see within the words i use. And i keep on saying to my mother; 'mother, this is not a believe to me, it is common sense, i just look at what is here and apply myself in a best possible way, to change myself, because i have already realized, that for this world to change every individual MUST go through this change other wise we are not going to change and we are going to destroy each other, on all those things we disagree with each other about right now and ever. I explain to them that the group of people i am with and part of, is a group of individuals who have come together to stand for life, to be an example for those who are still waiting, who are still postponing, who are still looking for excuses for them NOT to change, they don't want to change. And i am telling her, all i can do for you mother now is showing you, through my own process how you to can change yourself, because if i can do it, so can everyone, and i even tell her that understand, that i am not alone, is not like, it is only me, all the members in our group are seeing and are going through their own particular changes and they are all dealing with their own particular challenges they have created in the past themselves.
Talking to my mother makes me worry sometimes, because i know they're growing older with each passing day, and it is like i am letting them down, the responsibility to support and assist them, and this point is so difficult, because of their point of resistance, which is: '' it is your believe'' when i have no believes at all. It is what they use as weapon to spite me. But they are spiting themselves within this mind delusion. I am telling my older sister to,that she must understand that i am not trying to convince them of anything or try to force them to do anything, all i am trying to do is to show them that only through self-forgiveness you can start changing yourself, but no matter what i say,they don't even bother try it. Within all this a little bit of sadness ensues in me sometimes, because when i talk about the things that do make allot of sense to them, using common sense they understand it completely, no problem, but when it comes to apply it, it becomes immediately a problem, they immediately have an excuse for them not to be self-responsible, they don't want to take their responsibility as participants in this world as many others. I see that my mother and father have already gave-up on life and are just there waiting for death to come to them and that will be it.
I explained to them that anyone who dies right now, will not exist anymore, will be just a presence of what used to be the personality in the mind, and a very very little of a presence, of what used to be the conglomeration of personalities, but a presence is not real, it's like a shadow of a light that was not even real. You will not exist anymore, that is why it is important to do your self-forgiveness and live your life that you have left in self-forgiveness and applying yourself. But this to as you already know they will see it of course as something i believe in, it is within my believe that when they die they are going to be none-existent. And how do i know this without having to experience it first hand, by just seeing how in one breath i can stop my mind and have no thoughts and no feelings and emotions, the personality is gone, but yet i am still HERE, and this is so now that i am in this body, but when there is no more body i will have a problem, because that which i believe i am and which is the personality that is of the mind as the mind, will not have a host, it will just STOP existing. Because it is within the body that the mind exists, and is very easy to see if you are focusing on your breath. Because if it was real, i would not be able to stop it of functioning. But when i do stop it my body continues like normal, like being here as the body, no problem and i can do the things i have to do without any problem. I can function within this world without the mind thinking for me, without it generating emotions and feelings. At the moment i am not consistent and constant in my focusing and being one and equal with my breath, all my breaths, so focus that i don't miss even ONE, that i will be just here as the body as the breath of life one and equal. I have seen for myself already and all the people in the group know this and have experienced this already, that it is a fact. That when one becomes one and equal with one's breath one in focusing on the breath as the breath,it stops the mind of running, it's like the mind can't function, and even when a thought or feeling or emotion do come up, you can see it coming and you can stop it, by saying: ''stop'' and by focusing on your breathing and forgiving yourself that you have accepted and allowed the thought/emotion/feeling.
I will not give-up on my family, i will continue bombarding them with common sense facts they can't deny, and maybe one day they can see and realize to, that in order for things to change in their lives and the lives of all humanity, each part of humanity must change and live this change, otherwise it is going to be only a few changing and will not affect and bring about real change that is best for all in this world.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
I have two sisters, one older than me and another one younger, i am in the middle ....lol
My older sister went a while ago to live with my parents, to support and assist them now that they are growing older and are having some old-age issues.
My younger sister is here in this country having her own life with her husband and 2 children.
The older sister have one child who is right now in his teenage years.
Now i have noticed and for a while already, that every time i talk to them, they put aside so to speak what i have to say, because they see it as a point of believe, it is what i believe. Now understand that i have and i am still doing it, try to explain to them in all kinds of ways, what it is i am doing, i even wrote a whole blog for them, explaining how i am doing what i am doing, about the self-forgiveness and common-sense, corrective application,breathing, writing and self-honesty in my native language so they can know, and not only for them but also for these people on these islands who are speaking this language and that may have some difficulty understanding English. My older sister is the one, let's say who i am talking more about it with. Because she is the one that is now and then on MSN and when i call them, i talk to my mother also about it, and about what is going on in this world and how it is we cannot blame others, and that in order for things to change, we must let go from our ways we are living now, and live another way, a way where we do NOT abuse each other nor any other part of life.
My mother see this as being proud that i am doing this, but they don't want to take self-responsibility. Now i am not trying to push it in their faces, i am just trying to wake them up. And believe me, i know it is difficult, especially for the old people who have come to believe some believes they have, it is like they want to take that believe with/as them to the grave. These are the words my mother uses all the time, but she doesn't say it directly to me, she is telling me how she is saying this to religious people who come by the door and are trying to convince her to join their religion. And she is telling them:'' I am a Catholic and i am going to die one, no-one is going to come and try and change my believe, i believe just like you, that there is only one god so i don't see the reason why i should join your religion if we are all serving one god anyways..??''
In my mother's perspective, in her believe she is right about that one thing, i mean why compete if there was only one god, it's so stupid.
But when i say to my mother, just look at the world, can you honestly tell me that this god you believe in exists..?? And even to go as far as believing to,that this god is a benevolence god, a god of LOVE.
Because i know that my mother reads the Bible, i use some example out of the Bible to try and maybe there will be something that she will see within the words i use. And i keep on saying to my mother; 'mother, this is not a believe to me, it is common sense, i just look at what is here and apply myself in a best possible way, to change myself, because i have already realized, that for this world to change every individual MUST go through this change other wise we are not going to change and we are going to destroy each other, on all those things we disagree with each other about right now and ever. I explain to them that the group of people i am with and part of, is a group of individuals who have come together to stand for life, to be an example for those who are still waiting, who are still postponing, who are still looking for excuses for them NOT to change, they don't want to change. And i am telling her, all i can do for you mother now is showing you, through my own process how you to can change yourself, because if i can do it, so can everyone, and i even tell her that understand, that i am not alone, is not like, it is only me, all the members in our group are seeing and are going through their own particular changes and they are all dealing with their own particular challenges they have created in the past themselves.
Talking to my mother makes me worry sometimes, because i know they're growing older with each passing day, and it is like i am letting them down, the responsibility to support and assist them, and this point is so difficult, because of their point of resistance, which is: '' it is your believe'' when i have no believes at all. It is what they use as weapon to spite me. But they are spiting themselves within this mind delusion. I am telling my older sister to,that she must understand that i am not trying to convince them of anything or try to force them to do anything, all i am trying to do is to show them that only through self-forgiveness you can start changing yourself, but no matter what i say,they don't even bother try it. Within all this a little bit of sadness ensues in me sometimes, because when i talk about the things that do make allot of sense to them, using common sense they understand it completely, no problem, but when it comes to apply it, it becomes immediately a problem, they immediately have an excuse for them not to be self-responsible, they don't want to take their responsibility as participants in this world as many others. I see that my mother and father have already gave-up on life and are just there waiting for death to come to them and that will be it.
I explained to them that anyone who dies right now, will not exist anymore, will be just a presence of what used to be the personality in the mind, and a very very little of a presence, of what used to be the conglomeration of personalities, but a presence is not real, it's like a shadow of a light that was not even real. You will not exist anymore, that is why it is important to do your self-forgiveness and live your life that you have left in self-forgiveness and applying yourself. But this to as you already know they will see it of course as something i believe in, it is within my believe that when they die they are going to be none-existent. And how do i know this without having to experience it first hand, by just seeing how in one breath i can stop my mind and have no thoughts and no feelings and emotions, the personality is gone, but yet i am still HERE, and this is so now that i am in this body, but when there is no more body i will have a problem, because that which i believe i am and which is the personality that is of the mind as the mind, will not have a host, it will just STOP existing. Because it is within the body that the mind exists, and is very easy to see if you are focusing on your breath. Because if it was real, i would not be able to stop it of functioning. But when i do stop it my body continues like normal, like being here as the body, no problem and i can do the things i have to do without any problem. I can function within this world without the mind thinking for me, without it generating emotions and feelings. At the moment i am not consistent and constant in my focusing and being one and equal with my breath, all my breaths, so focus that i don't miss even ONE, that i will be just here as the body as the breath of life one and equal. I have seen for myself already and all the people in the group know this and have experienced this already, that it is a fact. That when one becomes one and equal with one's breath one in focusing on the breath as the breath,it stops the mind of running, it's like the mind can't function, and even when a thought or feeling or emotion do come up, you can see it coming and you can stop it, by saying: ''stop'' and by focusing on your breathing and forgiving yourself that you have accepted and allowed the thought/emotion/feeling.
I will not give-up on my family, i will continue bombarding them with common sense facts they can't deny, and maybe one day they can see and realize to, that in order for things to change in their lives and the lives of all humanity, each part of humanity must change and live this change, otherwise it is going to be only a few changing and will not affect and bring about real change that is best for all in this world.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
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