today, or yesterday....lol

I woke-up early in today, wanted to get ready to go to my appointment i had on 15:00 hours, but wanted to get early, just to shave my head, but eventually i didn't shave my head anyways.

Eventually i managed to get out of my bed, and i made some coffee, and didn't eat nothing, i just drank some coffee and went on my way, because i wanted to make sure that i would be on time.

At home i prepared myself by looking at the map my work-coach sent me, in order for me to get there and to know what bus i should be taking and stuff like that.
i remember sitting on the bus line 123 and i started doubting if i was on the right bus, because i could not remember very well if it was bus 123 or 122....?? Even though at the same time i was telling myself; but ...you are on the right bus, because on the information given from your work-coach there was that you could take either bus number: 117, 123, or 12.....so you are sitting in one these, so everything is fine.

but at the same time i was looking at my mobile phone to check on the time, because the time on the buses are not always as the time that is on the train platforms.....and on my phone that i have i put the time to run with the time of the train station, because that time is more accurate. I knew that if this bus number 123 is not the bus i am suppose to be on, i surely would be late for the appointment. but eventually as the bus took teh right road i became more still, because i knew then that it is the right one, it is going to be fine.

When i got to where i was suppose to be, it felt familiar, because of me being already there before around the same time almost. i am only 2 months early this time.....lol
I got to talk to a woman there who is working there and that will eventually be my work-coach, my personal work-coach when i will be employed there. now when i was talking to her, and this is when the question came about if i had any debts that they need to know of, so they can support me in that,and i started to talk to her about the situation with my security agency and stuff, i could see that she was looking at me with some wonderment by the way i was expressing myself, i could see that i made a great impact on her, in the way i communicated to her. I explained my little problem a little more and it turned out that she gave me an answer about my problem that i over-looked completely and didn't see it from that angle before, she told me that i could retrieve the information about my payments i made even when i used something that they call: ''acceptgiro'' in this land....it is a form of payment. when i was leaving the lady was looking outside the window at me,and i could tell that she liked me, or was impressed by the way i talked to her, and i saw her looking at me so i wave at her and she waved back.

now i am going to ask my bank for those so i can have prove then that i did make the payments that they are accusing me of not making, in the year 2007.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself even when was sure that i knew that i was correct about the number of the bus i needed to get, and all this is due to the fact of me being afraid to not be on time for my appointment the very first day, the anxiety to have them thinking and believing that even at that first day i could already not be on time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for seeing myself as important in others eyes, when i was just voicing myself, where the need and judgement to make someone see greatness in me because of the use of words and my ability to use them to appear great to them is unimportant, irrelevant, and limited.


Thank you.......


Larry Manuela