Well, this day started as usual, nothing out of the ordinary, getting up, making my breakfast and taking a bath and cleaning my teeth and get ready to go to my semi-work. I call it semi-work, because it is not really work. It is just like a middle road to real work where the government in this country is placing you to do some production work and in doing so, they're making money out of you and giving you a little more money then if they have placed you in social services payroll.One can say it is more beneficial for them, then it is for the individual himself performing the work, and you get only a period of 3 months, to do this work and while you are there you have to keep on looking for a job before your 3 months expires.
I get angry and frustrated about these abuses a lot, because people just can't see the abuse they are accepting and allowing within participating within all of that none sense regulations and rules and laws.
When i was at work i could still see my mind working on my desire of looking at beautiful girls and woman, i am still looking at them with desires and wantings, the only different now is that i am working on myself to recognize them and stop me of doing what i am doing in order to stop participation in them, because i understand them to be abusive, of myself and others as me.
We had to work today in another location again and as we were there the people who are controlling the work are always looking at things about the work that we do, that are really irrelevant and making a great fuss about it all the time and they make us re-do everything again and i just refused to do that, because i find all of that to be very childish and stupid. They show you how to do something, but they don't tell you everything and all the things that you have to put more attention to and then when you have done everything in a certain way they come and look at it and tell you that you were supposed to do it like this or that, and that the way you did it was not correct. Well i can tell you that i find this to be very stupid, i mean why not tell me from the start exactly what you want so i don't make stupid mistakes and then put me in a situation where i have to do the same work over again.This is so stupid, so i just refused to work i just sat there and wait for the bell to ring for us to leave, because i am not participating in such stupid things where people like deliberately choose to make a fool out of you. So i just tell them that i will not do any more work, because i know for sure to that i did my work perfectly without any mistakes and if someone made mistake and especially even without knowing that he or she was doing so, because you didn't tell them what exactly to do at first hand, then i will not do this stupidity again, you correct your own mistakes.
And in the evening when i got home i got to chat with a girlfriend of mine whom i know for almost a year now, and i was telling her what she means to me and how i see her through my eyes. The thing is, and this i mean it to, she is very down to earth and very herself, and i am attracted to her as the whole of her.
we chatted till very late in the morning and we even put our webcams on to see each other what we do a lot, what has become something we just do, it is kind of like normal and we just sleep and leave everything on........lol
What also happened yesterday was, that i lost myself again in masturbation and using the ''youporn'' website again, same shit again.........this point of sexual desire is going to be the major one obstacle for me to understand it and work on it in order to defuse the patterns of it.
So that was my day that they and i am writing about it today.....lol
Up to the self-forgiveness applications now.
1) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and the government in relation to the situation that is in this world as the system that me myself is accepting and allowing to exist in my world.
2) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry and frustrated about the situation in this world and the system in itself to work on me like that in order to make me come as far as accepting and allowing anger and frustration to exist within me.
3) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for letting my desires and wanting for the opposite sex to run wild in my mind and imagination when i look at beautiful girls or woman and still having the feeling of wanting to be with them in a relationship just for the sake of experiencing sex.
4) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let people outside myself influence me to get emotional and angry, because of me seeing the stupidity and the deliberate action of trying to fool people in them, as i know it is what i see in myself that they are doing, and in this i react to these situations as being either angry and be rebellious towards those that i find are doing these things, but in being rebellious i am not being aggressive or anything, just not taking shit. And i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself right here within this self-forgiveness statement to find a way to of looking for a way to justify what i have thought or felt in my moment of experiencing the anger and thinking that those people are stupid, thinking in this whole self-forgiveness statement here that people will not understand what i mean so a like, give my experiencing of myself in that moment a purpose to be justifiable.
5) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge one of my girlfriends on her emotions and her feelings and the way she looks and the way she express herself just because i see in her all the things that i would love to have in a girlfriend if i would have one.
6) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fallen one more time even when i have made my self-forgiveness statements on this point for various times, and this is the point of sexually being attracted to the female beings and especially those who have white colored skin, because i perceive them to be beautiful because of how they look, and how they express themselves.
7) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to the temptation to watch pornography again in order to put myself into a horny situation so i can have a reason and purpose to hold my dick in my hand and masturbate.
Now to the self-corrective statements.
I am not a not my mind that is using judgemental thoughts about myself and about others as myself.
I am not anger and frustration
I am not my desires and imaginations of desires when it comes to anything in this world, in this existence, that are of my mind consciousness systems
I am not my sexual desires
I am not influenced by other peoples thoughts and emotions, it can only happen if i give permission to it either directly or indirectly.
I am not feelings and emotions that are of life and that i put more value in them then life itself.
O.k. guys this was it for this day, till next time.....
Larry Manuela
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