Now these two days i have come to the understanding that my world is very small, or very little interaction is taking place, with this i mean i don't have much conversations going on with a lot of people, and even when i do it is for a short period of time, i am mostly alone, not that this bothers me or something like that, it is just that i am doing my things in a quite way. And i see myself as being more an observer then an participant.
I have let myself become like this virus within this system, and to most people i talk to, they see in me someone that is negative they say, that i have a negative view of the world, i can see at their body language and at some words they use that they are thinking and believing that i am being negative, and i am repeatedly saying to them that i am realistic, i see the thing for what it is, no good/bad, right/wrong, negative/positive. With this i mean if the thing is what it is, that is the way i will say that it is. I will not try to make it look nice or acceptable when it is not. Or try to push my point because it is good or not good, i will stand for what i say because of the realization i have come to see in this world as manifested factual occurrences, and that are visible to all of us to see, which in turn makes it then common sense.Right now i am still talking and flirting with my girlfriend, but as i have watched the video that Alice Bailey did on relationship and agreements i have come to understand that it would better not be so, to try and go into a kind of something that i called agreement when it would more likely be something like relationship. This is also a challenge for me right now to push trough this point, because i like this girl,and she likes me to, we know it,we communicate every day.
These days i have not masturbate but the thought did come up within me, which i stopped it immediately by saying ''no'' and breathing through the whole moment. And so far so good. I am going and am going through the pushing of that particular point. as i have said in some early writings about my process here, that this is going to be one of the most difficult point for me to become one with and then direct me within it all.
Now to the self-forgiveness applications.
1) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself by seeing within myself that because i do not have to many people around me maybe i am alone.
2) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself becoming like a virus within the system and talking about the system as it is.
3) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people by seeing in them that they are looking at me as if i am a negative person.
4) i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for a relationship with my girlfriend instead of focusing on breathing and being here.
I am not judgement nor am i lonely and alone, nor a virus within the system.
I am here and i am life.
Thank you...
Larry Manuela
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